Time for me to change....scared as Hell! 2

[LL44]

bworl said it perfectly. Let him simmer, on his own.

In moro's defense, she wasn't trying to hurt you, and I don't think what she said was hurtful. Just the way she sees your life, and she is trying to help.

I still hurt, I still wonder, I still feel somewhat stuck and paralyzed,

Its ok to feel all these things. I can guarantee your H has some rough feelings as well.

More like I am accepting what is.

Accepting 'what is' is not accepting a sealed fate of divorce. Its learning to live in the right now.

Keep up the no contact. I really think your husband needs the space. You need it too, but its hard for you to see that in the thick of it.

[theotherhalf]

As usual Bill, great post!

I hate to say this because I don't want anyone to think that I am just "waiting" for the stew to be done. Because I am not. Not anymore. I WILL go on with my life and make something new for me, not matter what my H does. I promise this to myself. BUT...

I still pray that that stew will not be a flop in the end...

[theotherhalf]

I really have no idea what my H feels, if anything other than what works for the moment. It really doesn't matter. I try not to think about it anymore.

I agree, we both need the space. I've known that all along, but fear is what kept me from letting it be. No more.

and then today...
I really didn't think H would be around here today. He knows that we are home and in the last couple of weeks we've not seen him on Sundays. But even so I had thought that if he did I would either stay in the basement or leave saying I had to run errands. Well about 10:30 I was making breakfast for the girls and I look out the kitchen window and there sat his truck. Sh*@!! I was still in my pajamas, and in the middle of cooking. I had enough time to dress and comb my hair and he came in. He smiled when I came out of the bathroom. I said good morning.

He sat and we had a very pleasant conv. I didn't ask him a thing. He just poured it out there. He told all that he did over the weekend (whether it was truth? Don't know, don't care) told about family stuff going on, told about stuff he did during the week, etc.

He left to go to the other place and the girls and I went outside. He came back and followed us around. He went to the basement. I went back out and busied myself outside. I went in we talked again. All in all he was here about 3 hrs. I stayed busy and didn't ask him a thing. It all kind of tickled me. Obvious he is missing us. Huh.

Trust me, this doesn't change a thing. I really really am just fine! I will keep on keeping on and let him be. There is no more going back for TOH!

P.S. Yesterday when I got home from town H had to move D17's car to get the tractor out of the shed. He parked it in front of the shed door where I park my car and left it there. (never done this before he'll usually move it back). I was ticked. He did it just to be an a*s I was sure. But I just let it go. Doesn't matter. It got brought up today, I told him when I had to move it I was thinking what a inconciderate a&s. He laughed and said he did it on purpose. I just laughed with him and let it go. So now I'm thinking..."did he do it on purpose just to yank my chain, see if I'd respond? (old TOH would have in a heartbeat) Ha! I passed with flying colors

[LL44]

Obvious he is missing us

Yes! Because there has been space, no accusations, no "I hate yous". This is very good. He was checking your temperature today, seeing what he would receive after no contact.

[theotherhalf]

that's the part that is hard for me to comprehend lwb. So he tested the waters after NC. So he can just completely forget we exist for however long and then drop back in and it's like nothing ever happened. That seems so very wrong.

Please no 2x4's just an honest question. Doesn't change anything. I am fine, and will be. There is no going back anymore. Not for me.

[LL44]

So he can just completely forget we exist for however long and then drop back in and it's like nothing ever happened. That seems so very wrong.

It IS wrong what they do, and its not something you or I could do. He doesn't forget you exist, however, he pushes feelings down, denies, drinks them away, escapes them however he can. He isn't happy anywhere, no matter what you think. But he will blame you for any bad mood if you give him a chance to.

Its not fair, its not right, but its what's happening. You have a good attitude about it though. There is nothing you can do to change it, so just hop off the coaster, and make your own life, until your husband can figure out what he wants/needs.

[theotherhalf]

thanks lwb

"He isn't happy anywhere, no matter what you think".

I know this. No matter what HE thinks. I know him to well. MLC, whatever he is still H and I am not blind. But it is HIS choice to live like this and if thats what he wants, I guess that's what he'll get.

I don't know if he'll EVER figure his life out. Doesn't matter. But I will mine.

[itsy]

CONGRATS on Dbing today. Awesome acheivement you did well. See the results that insued... I guess that he left tractor in wrong place to get noticed that he was there. The way he keeps coming around and helping out is nice but do not fall back to R talks unless he starts them, nothing...you keeping busy really helps you...I remember when Ex would come around the nerves of steel that we develop..
Great day
ITSY

[Dawn of Hope]

Anybody from mid to southern Missouri? I am thinking I am 42 years old. I have to start over. I can go anywhere I want. (I've always like Missouri and the weather is very tempting)

TOH,
I'm from mid-Missouri; what would you like to know? (And I'm also 42, oddly enough!) Funny that you like the weather...I love it in spring and fall, don't mind the summer heat and humidity as much as most people, but really dislike the cold! My brother moved to Arizona shortly after finishing college, in order to get away from the Missouri winters...he loves it there, and says he doesn't even turn on his A/C much! He's definitely a heat-seeker. Whereabouts do you live now (approximately)?

Peace,
Dawn

[MidwesternGirl]

what no a/c in arizona?

i can tell you from living in az, that if you do not turn your a/c on, it gets to over 90 degrees in your home in no time and it is not healthy. when it is over 100 degrees outside, you have to have a/c, not only for you but for your pets as well.

our power went out for four days one summer due to a storm. we stayed for two days and it got so bad we had to go somewhere with a/c. the kids were starting to feel the effects of the heat and people tend to get heatstroke in this weather as a result. you definitely need a/c.

if he is living north of phoenix about one hundred miles or so, no, he probably would not turn on the a/c hardly at all.