Few people respond to requests that their needs be met when their own needs are not met. Especially when they are insisting. Perhaps you are so frustrated and angry that you come offdifferently here than you do with him. But it 'sounds' like you've given him a list of demands.
Perhaps for him...the medium is the message....and actions speak louder than words. Not reactive angry actions.
ah you see but his needs are being met on a regular basis...acts of service...and words of affirmation...all is well as long as LL doesn't make mention of the fact that her "needs" are being met...sure LL has learned to accept h's speaking HIS language to her...but can't fight off the feeling that her needs aren't being met...despite the fact that she has explained it all in so many different ways to h.
h's complaint has never been that his NEEDS weren't being met...h's complaint has always been that of "no matter what I do it's never enough" and yet he just can't grasp the concept that though yes he is doing a lot he is doing alot of the things that I'm not asking for...if someone asks you for toast for breakfast every day and you continue to make them pancakes with sausages and warmed maple syrup and fresh squeezed orange juice...they thank you for that wonderful breakfast and let you know that they appreciate the effort but sometimes just having toast would make you feel better...would you continue to not make toast but instead make this elaborate effort of a totally different breakfast? would you expect them to be happy if day after day you make them fancy breakfast after fancy breakfast but rarley give them toast when that is all they are asking you for?
it is not "normal" for me to feel loved when h works in the yard...but because I have learned to understand his reasoning behind it I do...but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be loved in my way.
