Only look forward

[still hopeful]

I understand our conversation better now after reading your last post. I need to eliminate my BABYSTEPS of detaching emotionally and disengaging emotionally. After our talk tonight, I understand that even though I don't want my reality, I willingly accept my reality because I must. Even though I don't want to detach and disengage from my XW, I willingly do, because I must. I have 'paused' my life for almost 3 years because of baseless fears; fears of embarrassment, fears of failure, fears of not being good enough. Shame on me for not living; for wasting my most precious, non-renewable resource... time.

Perfectly written letters, perfectly prepared talks, and perfectly crafted action plans are perfectly useless when they remain in my mind, in my computer, on my desk or just simply undone. Too often, I polish my mandatory tasks to the point of a standstill and I then downgrade that task to the less important status of necessary or less because polishing is needed elsewhere.

I don't succeed unless I exert my effort, resulting in action. The outcome of my action is relevant. Taking action, by itself, is success, and is the most relevant outcome. I will improve my outcomes through exerting regular effort, resulting in more and better action; practicing. I control THAT, not the outcome. With consistent effort, I will exert more influence over the outcome. I will take charge of me and my life. I will be successful.