When do the tears go away ?

[still hopeful]

Hey brother,

More parallels between us. My XW started out our separation and impending D by telling me that D really doesn't affect children. She knew because her 'friends' told her children are young and elastic; they snap right back. I told the then, as I still do now, she was wrong and way off base when she is. I am not going to join the line of a$$ kissers and apologists that she has assembled to pump up her self-esteem and false sense of truth. I may not have any other useful function in her life, but if she talks to me she will hear the truth, as least as I see it.

Last night, D8 came to me. D8 is selling Girl Scout Cookies and XW gave me verbal instructions last week, but the actual written instructions contradicted XW's verbal instructions and were complete. Not knowing if overriding instructions were given verbally to XW, I called to verify. XW instantly was aggressively defensive. I was calm, deflecting, and assertive. We ironed out the instructions. D8 had a good Girl Scout Cookie selling evening.

Tonight, XW left me a VM about the cookie sales. I can always tell when I am getting closer to being removed from 'the list' when XW begins answering my calls again and begins calling me instead of texting me. No real plus in this, except it is an accurate barometer of her emotions about me. She asks me about my family. I called back and asked her, "You left a message about D8's family?" She paused and continued with, "Yes." I again reminded her that her family and mine are D8's and S3's family without segmenting whose family of origin they are. She didn't say much, but she understood my point that she and I may be divorced, but D8 and S3 are not divorced from their family of origin on BOTH sides.

XW asked me if I was going to call my family and I said I wanted to let D8 decide if SHE wanted to call her family herself for cookie sales. XW quickly answered for D8 that D8 would want me to call them. I asserted that I wanted to give D8 the opportunity to answer that question herself. XW said she would ask D8 and if she didn't call back then D8 wanted me to make the calls. I told XW that I didn't want to use a NON-call as my answer. XW snapped that we didn't both need to ask D8; she said she would ask D8 and she will. I answered, I believe you, I just need some information about the cookie types from D8. This defused XW's defensiveness and edge because of my calm and assertive manner.

Today is another day of my moving forward in detaching emotionally and disengaging behaviorally from my XW. I congratulate me for not outwardly expressing my emotions to my XW. I know that soon, with my undying concerted effort, my emotions will catch up with my outward appearance of strength, calm and quiet assertiveness.