Yesterday I came home and told her that I hated what she was doing to our family, I hated the decisions she was making, and that this is not what I want and that she is destroying our family and I absolutely hate it. I followed that up by saying I'm not starting a fight or argument, but I just want her to know how I feel. Her response to that was that she was going to go get her nails done. She went out later that night and didn't come home till about 1 am. WP
I think in their fog or soup or whatever it is they can't listen to logic or reality or morality or anything like that. I tried reaching my H by logic at one point, and then realized that was a cheeseless tunnel.
I do think you reap what you sow. In my case, I have 2 wonderful children that love me and will always be there for me, and my H has traded our family for an OP that has already been married 3 times and cheated on her 3rd with my H. Do I think they will be happy together? I seriously doubt it. The kind of person that would become an OP is not a normal person I don't think.
I do believe that God will work through this and make you a better person. Your life will be better in the long run even if you don't feel that now. I am a stronger, healthier, more grateful person and you will be too. You need to stop focusing on your W and her craziness and focus on you instead and working on yourself. (((((WP))))) What GALing have you been doing lately? Karen
Karen, I've done nothing to GAL. Like I said, I just got a car on Saturday, so I did go out to Barnes & Noble on my own for a few hours, but I don't think that really counts as GAL. Other things I do is work extra hours to advance on the job, but my W uses that against me and claims that she doesn't know what I'm doing "all of the sudden" staying late at work. She says that for all she knows I could be dating, so why shouldn't she. I've told her repeatedly that I'm not even remotely interested in dating nor do I think it is acceptable before God when we are still married. I know she's just making excuses to justify her own actions, but I just can't seem to stop thinking that there may be something I can do to change or improve things. Point being, I end up feeling like I need to make her aware of my every move and I need to be at home as much as possible to keep her from dating or from thinking that I am. This is pointless, huh? I'm going over a friend's house for dinner this Friday. But nothing really significant I guess. I'm also very afraid to rock the boat, b/c she still lives w/me and I still need her help financially. I think it will be much easier to focus on me when she moves out.
That's what my brother keeps telling me, but I can't see making a plan that aids in destroying what God has created. I'm told I need to move on, I need to accept this for what it is, etc., but I am terrified that anything I do will just make the end come sooner. Maybe that's what it is, I am trying to delay the inevitable. I just haven't accepted this yet. I still have hope based on nothing.
I know she's just making excuses to justify her own actions, but I just can't seem to stop thinking that there may be something I can do to change or improve things. Point being, I end up feeling like I need to make her aware of my every move and I need to be at home as much as possible to keep her from dating or from thinking that I am. This is pointless, huh?
Gee, ya think????
Sorry for the 2x4, but HOW long, exactly, have you been at this now on here WP? Have you learned ANYTHING from what we've all posted to you???
I suggest you go back and re-read your old threads, and the advice you've been given. There are still SO many steps yet to take, after the original "detach-and-GAL" step, and you're not even getting that one.
Ouch!! I know I deserved that. Reality is just taking a long time to sink in. I guess just like most of us, I never ever expected this to happen to me. My W and I were supposed to spend our entire life together, and I just haven't accepted that that is no longer the case. I'm told part of the problem is the fact that I still have daily contact with her and that she still (though much less lately) talks about our future. I think I will better face the facts once she moves out. I don't know. I really want to pick up the pieces of my life, but I just don't know how. She's been my life for so long. I'm definitely not getting the detach & GAL step--no doubt there.
I know she's just making excuses to justify her own actions, but I just can't seem to stop thinking that there may be something I can do to change or improve things. Point being, I end up feeling like I need to make her aware of my every move and I need to be at home as much as possible to keep her from dating or from thinking that I am. This is pointless, huh? WP
Totally. Yes, she's making excuses for her actions, just total crap they make up. So you are doing what is guaranteed to push her away even more? You need to GAL and detach, as that's prob. the only way at some point you will ever R, both her wanting to come back and you wanting her back at that point. If you don't detach, focus on your W, and experience all the pain of that, it's not good for you or your M. What GALing are you going to do this week??? Karen
You know I want to be supportive, but Puppy is right. I know it is so hard to detach, and trust me I am not yet where I need to be, but I am learning that it is the only way to remain sane. You need to detach for you D. If W is in this fog, who is taking care of her.
GAL can be anything, going to the bookstore is a start. Go to a movie alone if you want, she doesn't have to know that you weren't there with a friend.
I too have been struggling with the issue that God doesn't believe in divorce and how my faith battles with my needing to set boundaries. Did you read Love Must Be Tough? I really felt that helped me to come to grips with what God would want for me.
If I were your wife, I would be turned off by all the R talks too. She doesn't care right now, you need to start caring about yourself and your D. (sorry) I know you are a loving father who just wants to keep your M together. I understand. You are just going about it the wrong way.
I am going over a friends house for dinner on Friday, and I think I will take my daughter to the museum or a movie, just the two of us, this weekend. One thing I've been doing is avoiding time spent w/W. I screw up at times and let her know how I feel, but I also avoid her at other times by leaving to the book store or hardware store after our D goes to bed. I really think I will begin to do much better at all of this once she moves out. What do you all do to GAL?
I am going over a friends house for dinner on Friday, and I think I will take my daughter to the museum or a movie, just the two of us, this weekend. One thing I've been doing is avoiding time spent w/W. I screw up at times and let her know how I feel, but I also avoid her at other times by leaving to the book store or hardware store after our D goes to bed. I really think I will begin to do much better at all of this once she moves out. What do you all do to GAL?
WP
When I was going thru my sitch, I went out with male friends for beers more, joined a men's softball team, worked out at the gym 4-5x/week and took up a couple of old hobbied I'd neglected.
WP, My first adventure with GAL and actually going out ended in accusations of having a boyfriend and throwing my good time in his face. I don't know if that would be considered successful.
I go on playdates with my friends and kids, I've taken up running again, I am singing in the church band. I have a hard time doing too much, because I feel guilty about the babysitter thing. I am working on getting past that. I have definitely worked on doing fun things with the kids during the days we are home and I know H is jealous about that.
I'm glad to hear that you have some plans in place for the weekend.
