I am in day four since I initiated contact. I too am in the process of disengaging. Lets stick together.
XW has contacted me several times in last two days. My updae is in the divorced, but not done forum.
One goal!
CZ Keep the faith!! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
Doing good so far today! Exh sent a text that if I was out and about he wanted to see baby. I did text back and say she just went down for a nap. He wants to see her later...but he forgets my son has wrestling tonight. He misses his own visit days (yesterday), I don't go overboard to help him. He no longer gets to call the shots in my life.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have had a major problem tonight. Son (23)was arrested by police for not doing his community service. In court tomorrow. That I can cope with now. What I did though, I need help with.
I phoned W to tell her. She didn't answer straight away. She called back after 15 minutes. I was upset and annoyed and barked at her down the phone. Told her what had happened and she asked if I wanted her to go with me to the court tomorrow. I said I would let her know. Then I hung up.
I called back after 5 mins as I was upset, it was late and I had no-one else to talk to. I asked her if she was going to bed, (meaning could I go over and talk to her but never actually said that) She said that her BFF and daughter were there. I took this as the fact that they mattered more than me (which they probably do) and hung up.
Got all worked up and went over to her house. Explained that I was upset and wanted to talk. BFF said "don't you think that W is upset as well?" W said "its always the same, you expect me to support you, don't you ever think of me?"
MAJOR mistake on my behalf. I sat there and took the telling off for 10 mins and then apologised. I was told by BFF (the one that has been complicit in W having EA and leaving)that I ought to consider W feelings and she was going through a lot. I said "her choice!" MISTAKE 2.
We talked for about another hour, I apologised again and thanked W and BFF for talk and then left.
I am picking W up in the morning to go to court.
I need to know the best way to rectify my "needy" behaviour from tonight.
I know now that I should have told W not to worry and that I would let her know what happens, but I was SO angry that she wanted nothing to do with it tonight and then toxic BFF laid into me as well. I did well not to tell them both what I thought of the sitch with EA and everything.
So, day two of dark for me is complete! Did talk to W very briefly - see my post for the absolutely insane exchange, but it was very business-like, and for my kids.
I said about one sentence to her this evening about S6's homework, and then got in my car and left.
The W saw the MC today and she noticed that I have not pressured this past week and it does make her wonder a bit about what I'm doing. The MC said that was a really good thing and to keep at it.
NC does work, the WAS wonder what we are up to when we are not chasing them. They expect to be chased so when we don't it messes with their head. On top of that a lot of us are our own worse enemies when talking to the WAS anyway so you can't say the wrong thing or slip if you don't say anything at all. Saying nothing is both the easiest and hardest thing to do sometimes.
When I do talk to the W, I am really, really avoid talking about the R or her A. So much so that even if she brings it up I'm not going to engage. It always ends bad anyway so just let it be.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
Hey kjackson, they do notice and at first they are probably relieved which is good actually, however they will start to worry after it's been a while. Each time you contact them they will think it's a pathetic attempt to get their attention so it's always a good idea to just wait them out. They WILL contact you, it's just a matter of time (can be days or weeks even). Use this free time to detach from them and do things you'd normally not do if they were around.
The be honest, at this stage if my W called and wanted to try again I'm afraid I'd tell her no. She has left me now 3 times to be with the OM and I simply do not trust her. I don't want to talk her and I only want her to email or txt me just so I can ignore it to show I'm no longer waiting on her. I have no desire to contact her anymore.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
I am sure they notice you haven't contacted and like Rob said above at first they are relieved. But then it will kick in and they will wonder why? Did something happen? Are you moving on? Are you happy?
Remember though, the 180 and NC is for YOU!!!! For you to get healthier.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
