Dianes Roller Coaster Ride continued... lol

[Jayce]

Diane, when your H said everything revolves around how he does things...does he mean other things besides not initiating sex? I know (and Bagheera pointed it out also)that my frustration at H's refusing sex & talking, etc. caused me to pick at him about everyday stuff. And he'll take anything I say as picking on him if it suits him & use it an excuse as in "I never do anything right, so why bother?" So I've been thanking & praising him for anything & every little thing that's good (& trying to ignore the other stuff) & its changed the way he hears me. I realize that he needs to be "stroked" more than I do. It never occurred to me to be thanked for doing regular chores whether they're ones he usually does or mine. But being thanked/praised is really important to him. Doing that reinforces my telling him he's a good guy, there's only the one area we need to work on. Overall he doesn't have a real good self-image & he needs the praise & hugs, etc.
I can imagine what your H's self image is like if his mom still tells him he was a punk when he was 10. Tell him you miss the guy he used to be... or something nice he did at Christmas. Maybe it'll make it easier for him to express his thoughts.
J