Just wanted to chime in here on something Snodderly said:
Quote:
I think that once we set our boundaries and then something happens and we refer to the proper authorities or they are called in, it become embedded in their brains and they can't forget it. It's like we are never suppose to do such things to them and yet, it's okay to do what they've done to us.
This is so true. My H couldn't believe it when I called the cops on him. He was so mad he had to retaliate and call the cops on me for no reason at all. His madness was one of the big reasons I wanted to move to NJ. At first he was going to allow me to go but then put up a fight about it. Every once in a while he brings up the fact that he can never forgive me for trying to move to NJ with the boys. He made me out to be the evil one in all of this and he the victim. Um, what about what he did to me? That was ok?
These MLCers are so much alike.
I am sorry MWG that things aren't moving much faster. Thanks for the hugs on my thread, here are some for you. ((((((hugs))))))
the strange thing about the police incidents is that we have spoken about this over the last year and he forgave me for doing that and said he learned from those experiences. he said he harbored no ill feelings.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
M, It doesn't matter whether they forgave us for what we did or they don't harbor any ill feelings, they will still bring up the incident whenever they feel like they need an escape from facing reality and what they did. They never forget it. It's hard wired into their brains like a computer glitch that can't be repaired until the entire system has gone done and been rebooted, i.e., just like the mlcer needs to have his/her entire system go completely down and then be rebooted.
It's a crying shame they can't seem to let things go and I am almost 99.9% sure that they all do it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
MWG, Your H and mine seems so much alike. Mine too stays on the fence. Yes, and I know I enable him. I read your thread almost daily to see if I can gain some insight ito MLC. I just wish I knew the answer to this. I notice that you pray about it, I too find myself praying for answers all the time too.
Snodderly, If you are around, just wanted to let you know that I enjoy reading your replies to everyone. Do you have a thread? I would like to know your story. Are you married and did your spouse come out of MLC? I appreciate your words of wisdom and I'm know everyone else does too.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I do not see myself as enabling my h at all. He comes over, I do my own thing, we have peaceful conversation, he leaves.......
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
when i think about all i am giving up--my fine china, sterling silver--i have had to sell these things in order to make a living.
makes my blood boil sometimes.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I also had to sell many of my possessions. It also made me sick to my stomach that it was my stuff that was being sold to pay for his freedom and bad choices.
The first Winter he was gone, I had to sell my antique teacup collection on Ebay. In the Spring I had a garage sale and got rid of so many of my personal items, and pieces of furniture.
The following Winter, I sold our handmade Amish bed so that I could buy oil to heat our home. I slept on an old mattress on the floor in my room.
When my Husband came home we slowly replaced those items again.
I know it is only "stuff" but in the big scheme of things, our Marriages are more important than things.
One day, you will be able to buy those things again, maybe not quite the same things, but things you and your Husband can choose together.
I know this part of the journey is the hardest part, they are so close but yet so far away. Hang in there!!!
((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
MWG, I did not mean to offend you. I just meant that it seems that your H is in the same place that mine is. They can not decide what they want. I did not mean to say that you enable. I just feel that I am an enabler many times. We have come close so many times of splitting for good then he draws me back in by being nice again.
I know many people believe that I am crazy for not divorcing him, but I still love him and have hopes that one day he may come out of his fog. I just wish I knew the answer. I read the threads hoping to find guidance. You seem like a strong woman who takes care of her family. I was complimenting you, sorry if I offended you.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
It is really sad that we have to sacrifice so much but the end result may/may not be what we had hoped for.
Aside from that, H is a no show/no contact today. I haven't had contact with him since the weekend and do not intend to establish contact with him at all this week.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
