Partner left after 9 years - eclipses coming up!

[pauld2100]

Hey people,
Samina, I know you keep asking what am I doing for me... well I am just tring to survive right now. I have even thought of going to Iraq to work. now she found this out through someone else and she didn't seem to mind much from what I understand. If I can leave the country and she didn't care that much well as you can see from that e-mail she sent her saying she cares and loves me well how can she love me and go out with others. as for doing this diffrent I have tried everything. staying dark maybe hurting it more, I know her well also and she is doing everything she can to keep distance. pursing her was the worse thing I could have done but it also had some small impact she felt good about it also but really was a bad idea. maybe I went over board with it. as far as the grass not being greener is right but I did so much damage at first that my changes are not gaining any intrest from her. I know she has her friends and this new distration to keep her mind off of things. I did back slide a bit ago and told her I was still in love with her, this is when she sent that e-mail. but she has called me before I sent her that message. also she believed that I was seeing someone else also when we split, she said she was broken hearted at one point and may have sparked the dating on her end, not sure because I don't ask. I haven't heard from her since that last email. its been less then a week, I am not sure what level of dating she is in but know she has went out for many hours on the weekends so I can only assume she is leveled up in this dating that would explain the email being so firm on moving on. Telling her I loved her to also could have done more damage and slow things down again. why would she stop dating a nobody when she knows I would right there. so many questions that I cant ask, she has not forced me to move my things out and when she does call I hear a bit of the old her slip through very little but its there.. one thing that kills me is she may have tried sex with this person and maybe why she is acting like she is. I guess if she can do that I am really suprized. I guess I just don't know what to think anymore, she probably thinks I'm out running around with other women and thought she would do the same. sad thing is im not and if she did it out of anger or to continue the end for us that would be just seem so destructive. just to many things left hanging in wind, truth is not even apart of this anymore. cant tell her anything, she would just get upset or not responde at all. The fact that she won't even see me and I mean just any face to face of any kind she won't let it happen. is she afraid to see me cause it would hurt me or her? sorry just to many unawnsered questions