Thanks guys. Thing is, I just don't feel like doing "the plan" you've mentioned.
H4U,
Forgive me, but you don't GET to treat something as seriously as the end of your marriage, and the potential breakup of your family, on what you FEEL like doing!
Now, you make think it's a crappy idea, and that's fine if you want to dismiss it on its MERITS. But to dismiss it because you don't "feel like doing it," to me, seems petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.
TOTALLY understandable, don't get me wrong -- I've been there, and did the EXACT SAME THING you are -- but still petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.
Life STILL has given you a great big sh&t sandwich. It's never left your plate. You don't get to decide whether or not you feel like dealing with it (other than for short period of time where necessary rest, recovery and planning is needed).
Nope. And no IM's or emails or nothing today either.
I'm sure when she gets home tonight, everything will be fine in her mind.
WHATEVER!!!!!!
Maybe something dramatic is called for. I'd suggest going out with some male friends for dinner and drinks; there's gotta be something good on at the local sports bar?
I also wouldn't call her -- just a terse "I won't be home until later tonite -- don't wait dinner on me."
But that's just me -- petulant, stubborn, irresponsible me.
Thanks guys. Thing is, I just don't feel like doing "the plan" you've mentioned.
H4U,
Forgive me, but you don't GET to treat something as seriously as the end of your marriage, and the potential breakup of your family, on what you FEEL like doing!
Now, you make think it's a crappy idea, and that's fine if you want to dismiss it on its MERITS. But to dismiss it because you don't "feel like doing it," to me, seems petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.
TOTALLY understandable, don't get me wrong -- I've been there, and did the EXACT SAME THING you are -- but still petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.
Life STILL has given you a great big sh&t sandwich. It's never left your plate. You don't get to decide whether or not you feel like dealing with it (other than for short period of time where necessary rest, recovery and planning is needed).
Sorry.
Puppy
So I don't get to decide if I no longer wish to pursue reconciling my marriage? Didn't she give up the right to anything I decide the first time she took off her pants?
I think it's a ok plan. What I was saying is I don't know if I have it in me to continue trying.
I've been at this for almost 2 years since I first became concerned. I've been lied to and deceived for 22 months. I've been subjected to watching my W lie to our kids for the same period of time. I've had 2 years of my life stolen from me. I don't know what's real and what isn't real. I've watched my W pack her bags and leave for multiple weekends to spend them with a serial cheatin, alcoholic abusive POS and have no remorse to what she's put me and my kids through.
I've put up with her treating me like chit for that same period of time to show her the path home, all the while knowing that she isn't doing ANYTHING to help US. I've worked and worked on the things that she's said led her to have an affair. I've repeatedly told her what I NEED to help heal from HER BETRAYAL while working to become a better husband and father. I've repeatedly taken my responsibility for my portion of the breakdown of our marriage.
After all that, do you really think I'm taking lightly the thought of my marriage ending? If I took that lightly I'd have been gone a long time ago.
Yeah, that big chit sandwich has never left my plate. But I'm tired of the smell. I've been dealing with the smell for almost TWO years. Just when do I get to decide to get off this chit wagon and live MY life?
Last edited by Hope4us; 01/20/0908:46 PM.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
hope, I know I was going to lie low for a couple of days, but, I wanted to comment on what's happend.
You have every right to feel what you are feeling. I think she has had her cake and eaten too for too long. You are too accomodating to her and I think she needs a serious wake up call.
I think you are ready for this change, its coming close to the end.
You don't have to continue to be treating like this, you don't.
hope, I know you, Its time. Ive been talking to you for a long time, I know everything she has done and said to you, you have tried time and time again to make things better. She is VERY self-centered and extremly stubborn.
You don't deserve this treatment. If she couldn't even say Happy Birthday to you, that just shows you how much she gives a chit.
Contact me via email if you want to talk. I may not respond right away, but I will respond.
((((((((hope))))))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You misunderstand me. As TAL said above, you have every right to FEELthis way. I'm just trying to implore you to not base your DECISIONSon that feeling.
"I don't feel like it" isn't a good framework for making potentially life-altering decisions. Your wife has a very specific problem (one of a few, but the one we're trying to help you address at the moment):
ENTITLEMENT and BEING INCONSIDERATE.
I know it's been almost 2 years. I've been with you almost that long!!! And it's the total exasperation that I feel in many (most?) of your posts that tells me that this specific trait of hers is WEARING YOU OUT, and it eats at your self-esteem and even your manhood. A specific suggestion for dealing with it has been suggested, and I'm only suggesting that you try it REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
