Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys. Thing is, I just don't feel like doing "the plan" you've mentioned.

H4U,

Forgive me, but you don't GET to treat something as seriously as the end of your marriage, and the potential breakup of your family, on what you FEEL like doing!

Now, you make think it's a crappy idea, and that's fine if you want to dismiss it on its MERITS. But to dismiss it because you don't "feel like doing it," to me, seems petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.

TOTALLY understandable, don't get me wrong -- I've been there, and did the EXACT SAME THING you are -- but still petulant, stubborn and irresponsible.

Life STILL has given you a great big sh&t sandwich. It's never left your plate. You don't get to decide whether or not you feel like dealing with it (other than for short period of time where necessary rest, recovery and planning is needed).

Sorry.

Puppy

So I don't get to decide if I no longer wish to pursue reconciling my marriage? Didn't she give up the right to anything I decide the first time she took off her pants?

I think it's a ok plan. What I was saying is I don't know if I have it in me to continue trying.

I've been at this for almost 2 years since I first became concerned. I've been lied to and deceived for 22 months. I've been subjected to watching my W lie to our kids for the same period of time. I've had 2 years of my life stolen from me. I don't know what's real and what isn't real. I've watched my W pack her bags and leave for multiple weekends to spend them with a serial cheatin, alcoholic abusive POS and have no remorse to what she's put me and my kids through.

I've put up with her treating me like chit for that same period of time to show her the path home, all the while knowing that she isn't doing ANYTHING to help US. I've worked and worked on the things that she's said led her to have an affair. I've repeatedly told her what I NEED to help heal from HER BETRAYAL while working to become a better husband and father. I've repeatedly taken my responsibility for my portion of the breakdown of our marriage.

After all that, do you really think I'm taking lightly the thought of my marriage ending? If I took that lightly I'd have been gone a long time ago.

Yeah, that big chit sandwich has never left my plate. But I'm tired of the smell. I've been dealing with the smell for almost TWO years. Just when do I get to decide to get off this chit wagon and live MY life?