Meditation on Mediation

[LucasE]

Thanks, cat03 and sofaraway. I think you both nailed it. I think if D is what she wants then we should really stop owning everything together and stop sleeping on the same pillows. This has been a very difficult decision for me. It's almost as if it is the first decision that I really get to make. I have been accommodating W for over a year thinking that she would eventually realize that the best place for her is right here, but with her pressing the D I'm almost ready to stand up for myself. Look out.

She is gonna try to make me feel guilty by saying that I am disrupting the kids life by not continuing to nest. That I am the one who is going to put their well being at risk. At that moment it is going to be very difficult to not say something like, "Me!?!" But I'm pretty sure that that argument has been exhausted. She could stop the bleeding at any time. She knows that. I suppose I should be ready to validate her feelings. "I realize that you feel nesting is the best for the kids, but it is not best for me." Or something.

Both cat03 and sofaraway identified the nesting as being a money issue. I have tried desperately these 14 months to keep money out of it. There was enough to pretend that it had nothing to do with love or commitment or responsibility. I bought her a new car, a new computer, vacations with the kids. And everything she bought for herself this last year. That didn't help either. The truth is, nesting will have me paying for three households and eventually I will tire of this.

Here is the big issue that will come this week: The family home is beautiful. Newly remodeled. I am going to tell her that I am finished with nesting now that we are getting a D and she is going to want the house as much as I do. Can I buy her out? Will she be willing? Will this be the issue that we can not resolve?

When I wrote to you all last week I was convinced that I would nest into D. Now, with your help and the help of almost everyone I have turned to, I have reversed my decision. Thanks for your help. Stay tuned.

sofaraway, on your anniversary. How do they do it? Some wake up one day and apologize. How do we hold on until that day? What if it never comes. What if we die first? Arrgg. Please don't try to answer those questions. I think I know the answers. Move on. Live your new life.

Thanks again, L