Honestly, if he was not strong enough to resist the temptation of having an affair, then he is not strong enough now to break it off.
His motto lately has been that he does not want to hurt anyone, and someone is going to get hurt.
Then he told me he has to watch his you know what for fear I would call the police on him -- we had discussed this several times in the last year and he knows I would not do that, but lately he sees me as a threat and I make him nervous as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
your H is so violently depressed hes almost delusional? was he always then type to avoid a conflift before. youre rifht he sit atop that fence until one of you kicks it out from under him
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Well, we have never really had conflict like this. What I went thru is when the kids were younger, he would come home from work, and I would ask him to help me to enforce certain rules. I was wiped out, had no car, homeschooled the kids back then. His response: I don't want to hear about it.........that sent me reeling but I would not take it out on him. I would talk to a good friend and air my frustrations.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Do You want that Doug back or an improved version?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
M, I want to share something w/you and maybe there is a theme to some of these guys and the way they think.
Back in 1999-2000, I advised my xh that if he came to the house and took things that had not been agreed upon as to who got what, I would have my PI track him down and then notify the police about it for documentation purposes. I also mentioned to him that if he continued to come to my home and break up things in the yard or take packages from my front porch or the mailbox, I would report him to the proper authorities. From that time on, he would not come to my home without referring to those statements. When he did show up for the plastic Easter Egg, he brought along an escort of two deputies.
I think that once we set our boundaries and then something happens and we refer to the proper authorities or they are called in, it become embedded in their brains and they can't forget it. It's like we are never suppose to do such things to them and yet, it's okay to do what they've done to us.
It's just so strange how they are hard wired during the crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Do You want that Doug back or an improved version?
Whatever God has in store for me/us, I will accept that. God has a plan and all I can do is rely on my faith in Him, not my h.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
As my son says, Dad is paranoid about many things. Gee, I wonder what brought that on......
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Personally, I think that they are so shocked by what we did and that they never thought we would do it to them, of all people. What we did was so out of character to them. They didn't stop to think that they left us no choice in the matter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Honestly, if he was not strong enough to resist the temptation of having an affair, then he is not strong enough now to break it off.
His motto lately has been that he does not want to hurt anyone, and someone is going to get hurt.
Then he told me he has to watch his you know what for fear I would call the police on him -- we had discussed this several times in the last year and he knows I would not do that, but lately he sees me as a threat and I make him nervous as well.
MWG, I don't mean to sound like a smart A, but how in the world do you hope that your marriage will be put back together if you don't think he will break off the A?
Only God knows the answer to that. H is at a huge disadvantage here in many ways. I learned that if you file for a D and have been separated (legally or not), then the courts can go back three years and say that he would owe for child and spousal support. I am not at that level to file for a D nor do I have intentions of doing so.
However, only H can determine his fate, not me. Right now I am concentrating on myself and my kids.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
