Alex, I am not on my high horse. I do not feel like he should just forgive me and get over it. You might want to reread this stitch from beginning to end and maybe check out the thread in Newcomer's which is now several pages back. It might give you a little clearer picture.
We have been married 13.5 years. The first A only occured 3.5 years ago, not seven. The second was this past year. Both were primarily EAs that did turn physical. What drove me to it is the competition with alcohol. I was pregnant when we got married and I was told several times that he only married me because I was pregnant. (A great way to convince your wife that you love her, don't you think?) Years of coming home drunk reinforced the belief that he didn't really love me because he had to get plastered to be able to come home and "deal with me and a newborn kid."
But I digress. Like I said, the rest of the stitch is in Newcomer's. There is no excuse for having the As. I completely and totally understand and agree with that. However, As happen for a reason. They happen because somebody is not getting what they need from the other person. How many times do you have to beg someone to come home? How many times do you have to clean their puke off the walls? How many times do you have to be told you're crazy, that the alcohol problems are all in your head before you start to look for something "normal"?
Did I handle it wrong? He!! yes. Could I have handled it better? Obviously. But I'm handling it better now. I did not give him an ultimatum. He has the same choice he has always had. I didn't threaten to take anything away from him. The rings did mean something to me. I've been wearing them for the last 1.5 months. But they are his to do with whatever now. He won't pawn them. I wouldn't have either. He will either save them for D4 or give them back. It's his decision.
If you knew the stitch, you would know there are no lawyers involved and there won't be any lawyers involved. We have both agreed to do this amicably.
Good luck to you.
Mel
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
