in a galaxy far, far away...

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, BM.

I can't really speak from experience, because my H has not done the "waffling" like your H has done. If he did, it would be a 180 for him and I might see it as a sign of hope. I have to work hard on myself to be patient and give him his space and NOT chase!

However, I have seen others here in a similar sitch as yours and for them setting real boudaries has been a very good thing! I'm sure it must be very scary for you because I know you love your H and value your M, and it's so very hard to know just what to do. We all ride that fence between showing unconditional love and being a doormat.

But, successful DB'ers, have said that sometimes you do have to trust your gut, and it seems clear that your gut is telling you that you need to take a stand for YOU! So, try to be clear and concise, and straightforward. No anger or blaming.

Just tell H that, although he may think he is doing the right thing in moving "slowly" (and I'm sure he probably actually thinks this), in fact what he is doing is irritating an open wound for all three of you, and that you think that for the mental health of all of you, it is best if he leaves and gives you all time to heal. Tell him you wish him well, and that you will do your best to help your son through this, and not put him in the middle between the two of you because that is what is best for your son, and you hope H will do the same. But, for now, you think that you and S need space. (Doesn't that sound familiar)

Take care, BM!!

[[[[[hugs]]]]]