Well, I can't say it worked "for" me, but at least I pushed him a little. He still wants the D, doesn't see another way, says he has forgiven me, but can't imagine me with other men, and just basically says he'll never love anyone again. Oh, and did I mention that I found out that OW will be living there until July???!! Interesting, isn't it?? So that's fine. He's not willing to work and he's not willing to try. He's not willing to recognize that he played a part in me looking outside the M, even though I know ultimately it was my decision. He's just going to sit and wallow.
And I am going to let him!
H: "Well what do you want me to do with these rings?" Me: "I want you to come put them back on my fingers. But if that's not going to happen, I really don't care." H: "You're being hateful." Me: "That's not being hateful. I'm just saying they are yours to do with what you want. It's up to you."
I am expecting him to make some progress on the paperwork within the next two weeks. He doesn't want things to get "weird" between us. Okay. Define weird. Arguing, hateful, spiteful. Have I been those things? No? Okay. But us texting everyday and saying goodnight and calling whenever and emailing whenever is going to stop. Because eventually he will marry someone else as will I. And we can't be married to other people and still communicate the way we do. So I told him "Only to discuss the kids." And he says "Now you're being hateful and things are getting weird." I wanted to scream!!! You want to be best buds, but you don't want to have a marriage?? Let's talk about weird!!
I do feel better. We got a lot of things on the table. He says he forgives me but I think it is just lip service because right after that he tells me he cannot imagine me with other guys. Okay, I get that it's hard. I'm not taking anything away from his feelings. But at the same time, I let him know that it's HIS choice, and not MY fault anymore. My actions may have put us in this stitch, but it's HIS choice on how to react, feel, and handle the stitch. It's HIS choice to not work on the marriage. It's HIS choice to be where he is. Not mine anymore.
And he was mad at me for stopping and talking to his Mom. I think mostly because we talked a little about OW and she let him know how she felt. And she let him know that she wants him to try. All of his family elders do. So he knows what he *should* do, he's choosing not to. It's ten times easier to just cut the strings than it is to fight for the marriage.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I feel better. I feel stronger knowing where I stand and that he knows that I know where it stands now. That it is HIS choice and I will not beg or plead and that I will not continue to be his best bud.
Love ya'll.
Mel
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
