Some of what your mom says is good. There is a generation gap in thinking and you can do without the "throw him under the bus" vengence. I can understand you wanting to get the kids toys and clothes separated, but take your time. It may be a while before Dan gets the new place fixed up for them.
I did the same things of wanting to help my X out too much. I even looked for an apartment for her. You just have to let them go and fend for themselves.
