The unfaithful wife...that's me..

[Mellenmack]

well, kev, you win. sort of. i came home from the dentist and wrote him a letter. i told him what I wanted. i told him how I felt. I told him that i feel like i have done everything in my power at this point to show him i want the marriage to work. but that i feel like he didn't want it to work. i told him that i realized that i was willing to take whatever he wanted to put out just as an effort to make it work. and that that's not fair. that yes, i had an affair, but it doesn't mean he gets to use it against me for the rest of my life. i told him that i want us to stay married. i want us to be better to each other. i told him that i always felt like i had to compete with the alcohol and even told him, what does it say that i was willing to put up with whatever to get him back? told him that i need him to get her out of that house if we are going to work on the marriage. that i won't compete with the alcohol. and that i am still willing to work on it if he wants to. but that if those three things weren't going to happen, then he might as well go ahead and file for D because those things are things he should know the answer to right now. told him i'm not mad. told him i'm not angry and that i'm sure he would have some things to reply to and that's fine. hopefully it will at least get him to think. and then in a few weeks i will try something else. but i am NOT going to let him push me around or put the marriage on the back burner anymore.

He's had 6 months of us being separated and 3 months of knowing about the affairs to sit and stew about whether he can deal or not and enough is enough. i will make it clear that i am not going to pay for the A's anymore than I expect him to pay for the drinking. But dang! Most people know, I think, whether they are willing to work or not. It's pretty simple, really. "To make this marriage work, are you willing to do anything???"

And now I have a killer headache. I put the rings in with the letter and will deliver it to him when he brings D4 back. We'll see.

I do feel better, Kev. I know this is right because I know I deserve better than putting up with this type of stuff for the rest of my life. I'm shaky. But I'm good. By stepping out of the cycle, I'm ending it. He can keep on with her, but it's not going to affect me anymore.

Mel