I'm just dropping in on the fly for advice and suggestions and will respond to other people's situations later tonight.
I can tell from my phone at work this a.m., that my h called me late Friday afternoon (I left early to gal!). As you know, I saw him yesterday. He called 2X this a.m. at home (likely about dog drop-off this a.m.), didn't leave a message, then called me this afternoon at work and left a message confirming drop-off (so drop-off not really a problem, right?)
My problem is that in his telephone message at work today, he asked me a question about how I'm doing after some emergency surgery last fall, which continues to affect where and how I can ski... he picked that up yesterday when he saw me in the parking lot.
It feels rude not to call him back and I don't think that's what detachment and even going dark or dim is all about.
WIT if it were me and I had the strength I would not call back. Just wait until the next conversation and see if he brings it up again. The question might be just temperature taking. Let him wonder a bit. One crumb is no meal.
As I type this I am laughing to myself...I can give better advice than I can actually follow through on. I take that back, I am good at ignoring the texts but have a hard time with the thoughts.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have to agree with SO2, forget the call back WIT. Leave it and see if it's brought up again. If it is, then it's a genuine thought and not an excuse to call / off the cuff thought.
SO2, I'm a bit like you, MUCH better at giving than doing. Having said that, I don't have the pressure, W hasn't called but once in 8 days.
LD, "act as if they will never come back, love and live like they will be back tomorrow".
I like this and kind of feel like it's what I am doing. But don't know if it is really what is best for US.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
The reason I do it is because I want so desperately for her to come back that I can't detach. By putting it in my head that she will not return, that I have to get on with my life as if she will never come back is helping in spades. everyone will handle these things differently, but hears something to consider. If you were out on a lake in a canoe and the canoe capsized and sank and people told you they would be back to help, would you stay there or swim for shore. Yes, maybe they will come to help you, but do you really want to play that game. Use your energy to "Swim" not tread water. I am like a few others hear, great advice, I outta follow it. but again, Live and love like they will be back tomorrow. It is a very strong analogy, but for us here, it works, sink or swim. You are a person and you deserve to have a life, if they have one, even if its with OP, makes no difference, what defines us is how we get through this and the people we become.
Hi, whateverittakes, thanks for the hello. Interesting point about not talking about the R - what is that about? I just started to read the DB book. My H always wants to talk about the R saying that nothing gets resolved if we don't talk about it. Since our for the last month I have been putting him off about the R issues. It didn't stop him from pushing and complaining that I never have time to talk things out - we can't solve things this way. When I point out that it is premature or that nothing gets resolved when we do talk or that we just argue and don't talk for a week -he insists that we just need to learn. Today he called after walking out angry yesterday. I took my time returning the call. He wanted to talk about the R and I did just listen at first and when he said something really different that I have been waiting to hear from him I decided to reinforce his willingness to admit that he has been digging in rather than compromising. What do you think?
I don't how I am supposed to know when he's really ready to work with me.
I have asked this question myself Kassie, I think that we have to listen to what the "wise" ones on this board tells us. They say that if/when our WS want to come home, We WILL know. That they will move heaven and earth to get back to us.
I really don't know, don't know if I'll ever find out. But my gut says that this is the answer. After all we deserve no less do we?
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
