Yuck - that does suck for the kids. When there are two households, it makes for pretty unavoidable clarity that their father's dropping the ball while their mom has things together.
Very complex, hey? You can't make his misbehavior up to them. But your being a great Mom will help them weather this. They love him regardless, I'm sure, yet he's disrespecting their love for him by not working as hard as he can to be their father and a good role model. You and PD are doing a great job showing them what a beautiful work in progress a M is.
I had a convo on a similar vein with my Ex the other day. She was concerned that S9 was noting how small her place was and how he wanted to live in a real house (she chose to live in a new trendy condo with a lot of 20 s/t's around, and now regrets it too). I just noted to her that I'm not at all concerned about S9 being left hungry for some things. There's a load of research that shows fully satiated or content kids (read "spoiled") tend not to do much in their lives in terms of reaching their full potential - academics, occupation, etc...
On the other hand, it sure rubs a loving parent the wrong way to see one's kids disrespected.
Sounds like you chose well to return to the CS agreement standards. Is there a danger in setting precedent (by returning money to him) if he goes to court for official CS reduction due to hardship?
You and PD/JM are the rock in your kids' lives. Nicely done!
