Hey Cyrena. Thanks so much for your post, as always, I think you must be a bit of a gaurdian angel, making me see sense whenever I go round and around in circles. It came at the right time.. I just cried all the way home. I pulled a muscle and I remembered how my ex was so caring last time I did that, ran me a bath, rubbed my leg, made me a cup of tea. I miss him and wanted a hug.

Thanks Mish...I was thiking that I do lay myself open for stuff, as I am SO honest. Isnt that what the BB is here for? You could practice being honest? We are all just cyber friends hey, no need to hide stuff from us!

So, you are right Cyrena, thats what I am doing, being too rational and b&w, thinking, if he does X, does that mean Y, or will he keep doing X...but no. Feels like lots of time has gone by. It surprises me that he talked about me alot on the holiday and as my FF said, had a long convo about you, one night. Yet that was early December, which was over a year since he left. Its hard to hear about that stuff then.. nothing.

I will let go of the idea of a closure convo then. He probs wouldnt give me what I needed, no. As for taking him back.. thats assuming he HAD grown and come realise he had lost something precious and was emotionally available again..if he hadnt got to that point, he wont ever come back anyway?

So I had a good time! The instructor said to me its better than the gym, as you dont get time to think and you forget all your troubles, whereas in the gym your mind wanders. So true !! And...I met a nice guy! He was young, probs 10 years younger than me.. but I noticed him as he came in.. and when it came to choosing a newbie to spar with, out of me and 2 new lads.. he chose me, even though he was about 6''! So, thats interesting hey? He was nice looking, hairy chest.. I found myself wanting to just snuggle in to him!!

.. I made him laugh quite a bit and at one point he couldnt do the groin jab on me as I had him giggling so much...and I was goading him.. go on.. do your worst.. really smash my face in...

I wasnt sure I would go next week, it was fun, but alot of tedious instruction, but I might go cos of him!