OK I will make this my third post in a row. I have been trying to distance myself from my own situation and make my brain stop talking, if anyone has advice for how to do that let me know. Trying to do it in bed at night just makes me fall asleep.
I am trying to figure out what if anything I should do at this point. Once H is out of the house, I really do not see him coming back. Part of me thinks he is saying he doesn't want to file for a D just because he doesn't want the financial hassle while he is getting his new cabinets, windows, carpeting, etc. He had said in the past if we filed for D before he got a home loan it would be a nightmare to get one. And the lawyer told me something about freezing accounts or whatever once I file so he can't go spend a ton of money.
Anyway I keep thinking in the back of my mind that he obviously wants a divorce. Otherwise why would he buy a house and move out? I mean maybe he finally does see he needs help, hence the counseling again. And he said he wants to tell the kids we are taking a time out and we don't know if we will be back together again. But there again, maybe he thinks it will be easier to let them down easy and just tell them that for now instead of going right in with 'the D word'...
Friday after kids were in bed we were in the kitchen and I said if you are that unhappy with me as you acted tonight, if you truly feel we can't make this work, then I should just file for D. He said 'No I don't want you to file. I don't want to file either.' I know I can't try to read his mind. I am just trying to decide if I am wasting my time in the separation thing and should just go ahead and file. I guess maybe what I am trying to say is that I know myself well enough to know I may keep living 'on hold' if we are living separated but not Divorced. Holding out that hope of reconciliation.
I know I am rambling and that is one reason I haven't chosen to file. If I can't see my situation clearly yet I don't want to make a decision I would regret.
