M, Your h is still in replay, but the depression is the dark one. His discussion w/his daughter about the past and him wanting to reconnect w/his father has brought him further along, which means he's moving at a snail's pace, but his further along than what you think.
When in the early stages of replay, they do not want to be reminded of their life, past or present. Your h is now taking a route down memory lane which should, at some point, bring him full circle back to the life he had w/you. The problem is guilt and shame for what he's done. He's afraid that he will not be the person you thought he was. He's afraid of being a complete failure in your eyes and in the eyes of his children. He's afraid of disappointing all of you, thus the comments about hurting someone. He's fragile and with that comes fear, fear of the unknown, fear of what your expectations will be.
M, he's got to finish up this journey and face all of those fears. I'm praying that the reconnection w/his father will help him over some of his hurdles.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
