Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
No dancing; still doing stuff. I am having some major time management issues.
D9 went on a sleepover yesterday, leaving me and S13 on our own (I often have times with just her, but rarely with just him). We hung out, played wii, watched Batman (which he got me for XMas), ordered pizza. It was good :0) We both even slept in.
I am still struggling with the day-to-day stuff, though. If you have ever heard of FlyLady, I am trying to follow that program of getting my house in order. I was definitely NOT born organized! Things always seem to get away from me; laundry, dishes, mail, vacuuming...X used that as a big justification, and I am determined to get this down. I know its not rocket science. I have time-management issues, and procrastinate. An "inner-brat." I think its a not-great combo of ACOA and ADD! Amazing the growing up I have to add to the growing deeper.
I have a friend who is between jobs; I am seriously considering asking her to come help dig me out so I don't feel so overwhelmed, and pay her... I feel like if I just had things where they needed to be, I could keep up.
I may have set up way too many goals all at once...
kids work school house weight and health paperwork organization
my place would still look like a sty had my family not come and helped me, my sister sat and went through piles of stuff, boy my house looks good! order some pizza, invite family/friends over, it works
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
They have chores on the days they don't see there dad (we recently set them up). It used to just be D9 setting the table and S13 cleaning up after the dogs.
I sat down with them and showed them a list of all the work that had to be done each week, and they picked what they would like to do on each of 3 days. We are off to a bumpy start, but it is a start.
We are trying to squeeze things in, but S's schedule is tight. Scouts on Mon, Youth group on Tues, Skiing on the occasional Wed, therapy on the occasional Thurs (their time with their father is Wed and Fri night). I'm also trying to keep Thurs as our Family Game Night, with one kid picking the game and the other picking out and helping cook dinner.
Its all about baby steps, but a magic wand would be handy right about now.
It also sounds like your a bit like my sis. She just never got that gene for organizing and is she the best procrastinator!
Keeping a house clean is so important for the M IMHO. If you read the book For Women Only, you'll find that a job for men is more than just a job. They are always feeling inadequate and that at any moment they will be found out. This is for men in general that is. They have a large stress or burden as they feel they are in charge of taking care of the family financially. Now, us women take care of the family physically and mentally, and boy is that a job in itself, but we can't minimize what our H's do though, and what they look for is to come home and not have to deal with stress, as the home is their getaway. Or they'd like it to be.
When the home is cluttered, messy, or just plain trashed, there is no comfort in that, and instead it builds stress. So every problem in the home is just multiplied. Anger sets in more easily, stress, tension.
This was something I found out that was very important to my H. I believe it is important to many men. And what's sad, is these times are much harder on us women. There are many of us with jobs now, and I really wish it wasn't that way.
So, my point being, your doing a great job with your start to get organized. It will help in so many ways. Flylady is great, but you can get overwhelmed with the multitude of emails, so fyi.
On your kids, I think at their ages, they could do more if you need them to. Perhaps they could help out a little extra on the weekends. My s10 has to do a chore everyday, like the dishes, walk the dog, or laundry. On his clothes, we never put them up, but instead give them to him to put up himself (unless he does the laundry and then he does it all except our clothes). I guess that's not really more than your kids, and it's a good idea they are not doing too much when they see their dad so that time isn't taken away.
baby steps are good though, keep it up, your doing great!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hey Donna, long time no post. I needed some time away. Hope you are doing much better. As far as being organized, well sorry S.T. but it is just as much the H responsibility as the W. Donna, if the clutter bothers YOU, then have your friend help. If it doesnt, then who cares. This is YOUR new life. YOU get to decide what you want to keep, what you want to purge. Who cares what any MAN thinks. That is not even in the realm of things for us at the moment. Each day is us trying to do the best we can and if that means living in a bit of dirt, well, heck, we are just doing the best we can. I say focus on what makes you smile, not what makes you frown. Let go of those old time ideals that a home has to be perfect....nothing is perfect. This is your time to find you and figure out what makes you tick. If the dishes stack up, so what.
A friend once told me.....broken, take this time and cheirsh it. If you do it right it will be only time you will ever be single again. That means we need to truly learn who we are, learn what makes us happy, and what our boundaries are. This will create a foundation to have a better relationship next time and to make it right when it is suppose to happen. So......let the laundry pile up some and laugh. Enjoy your kids and yourself. The laundry will always be there tomorrow. JMHO.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Do more of what you are good at and less of what you are bad at. Exchange art lessons for organizing help, babysitting for laundry, etc... (That's what my ADD coach said anyway, lol).
I agree with BH. A clean house is a good thing. But I'm glad that when the kids tell me their memories of their childhoods, they talk about the things we did together. I was often embarrassed by the state of the house, but all in all we kept busy outside the house.
She just never got that gene for organizing and is she the best procrastinator!