I did send an email saying it's clear he doesnt get it and that I dont think there is much to say under these conditions.
He called and we talked. Among others:
he feels something is missing too
he is stuck and upset too
thinks about this every minute of the day
not happy with how things evolve=are stagnant
he understands my anger although he didnt realise I am angry mostly of his "nothingness"- I think he may have gotten it now-not sure
as were talking he came up with this question :so does this come to either intensify our effort or quit? I said yes.No use stalling the inevitable if cant get out of this sitch.
he also kind of suggested to postpone the effort because there is too much tension, I said NO, now or never, each day is getting us away from reconciling
he stated again time is an issue, a big one
he says the messages he is getting from me are "stay away" - I admitted that
he explained why he wanted us to go away even with the kids so that we would have more time together-I said I am pretty confident coparenting is not an issue
I told him I feel rejected all over again and explained why
I told him again that his attitude does not encourage me to trust him again since I have serious doubts why he is with me here
I asked him not to be afraid of me and approach me, even when I look distant, to take a chance with me -he said he gets it now, thought I wanted NOT to be pushed, I explained that when I feel pushed I tell him, no hiding anymore
I asked him if he has thought what we do is wrong, just leave it since it is difficult and neither one of us seems willing he said no he hasnt thought of giving up, doesnt know what to do
I cried and got upset and told him that this is the last time I speak to him about any of this. As of now it's the last chance I give us, dont want to spend anymore time feeling miserable and a begger. He said OK.
So, we are supposed to either do it or leave it. He is trying. He reformed his phrases, explained that he doesnt blame me, that he is trying to understand where I come from, asked questions, explained that he ahsnt replied to my letter cause he still is trying to figure out what is wrong, he did try to answer whatever I was asking.
Earlier I had coffee with my girlfriends. They all face problems with their Hs like normal couples do. Tension, fights, etc etc. Little stuff. I kept wondering how did I get here? Life plays funny games. And it is fun. But although I am tired and PO very often, I wouldnt change a thing in regards to my "journey". Maybe the destination but that is not clear yet, is it? K
