Sent H an e-mail explaining the problem with papers last night. Told him I didn't want divorce but if he wants to then I can re-send. He sent me this text:
Don't worry. Not pissed off. Should probably be more suspicious than I am, but do still trust you. Have written email.
I can't check mail at work and he knows this, and when I get back I had the following:
Hi, Thanks for explaining. You sounded really pissed off with me in the last email and wasn't quite sure why. No need to get in touch with solicitor as i can explain this to her. Let me know if the courts find anything out. If not then please resend and make sure you put the details of my solicitor on the papers? And can you plase let me know of the details and progress so that i know and i can then inform my solicitor? It's not that i need the money now, but it would be a relief to get it sorted out so if we can do it before the divorce is finalised, then that would be good. If you can get your solicitor to sort out a suitable contract? Cheers
He is referring to the previous mail I sent a week ago, in which I said I was still receiving his mail and he needed to re-direct it. I said I would copy the photos he forgot to download (of our hols/wedding etc) and send the disc to him too, once he lets me have an address to forward to. He keeps leaving things behind and excuses to meet up and I can't do it anymore. As he is still interacting well with me but still has ow. Seems he keeps options open to meet me as and when it suits him. It might sound like I am angry but I'm not - I orginally thought it was because he missed me and wanted to meet up. It may well be the case but he has ow and I don't want and can't be friends.
We have always got on well and there has been no real problems but if after 6 months he is still living with ow then I need to get on with my life. I have detached but to be honest I was upset with the e-mail today as I still had a little hope but I knew he would want the D re-sent. I have actually re-ordered the papers as I expected this.
I feel he is still hanging on to me, either from guilt or because he does care but he's not in love with me. I want to be with someone who is commited to me 100% and that is not my H so I need to finally accept it. I know a lot of people will think I should give it more time but I have now let him go (think it was more the dream I found hard letting go - I will grow old with this person etc) and it means that I don't want to see him again. He is with ow and emotional affairs can take a long time to finish. At this moment in time I do still have a little hope but as I plan not to see him again because I find it easier to move on when there is no contact. He has seen the 180's, GAL and shown interest but just as friends, it wasn't meant to be - even with help from royal mail and the courts with the papers going missing!! At least I am ready to divorce now. No regrets.
Thanks to everyone who gave me advice. I appreciate it.
