I am so sorry I am just responding, I only just saw your post moments ago. I will add this thread to those I check.
I am flattered that you would like my perspective. Not sure I have much good to offer but here's what I think, based on what you heard.
If your H is depressed, that may prevent him from initiating contact with you. Obviously, depression does not make one incapable of action, but it certainly decreases energy and motivation. Plus it sounds like he has a lot of guilt. WAS with guilt are not to likely to reach out first. My H needed a lot of soothing and I think still feels a lot of guilt.
One of the main lessons in DB is do more of what works and less of what doesn't. (One other thing, my coach has told me that folks seem to confuse "going dark" with the LRT. She said going dark means no contact at all, period, and it is only recommended in situations where there is abuse or addiction. LRT and non-pursuit mean that the LBS does exactly that - no pursuing, no intiating contact.) That said, if you are doing the LRT and it is not prompting contact from your H and you would like contact, then you need to consider another approach.
Since the non-contact is helping you heal, I think the first question you ask yourself ought to be whether you want to try contacting him. Sounds to me like you are contemplating this, so here comes my two cents. If so, look at the past, what has worked and what has failed? Have you tried emailing him to have lunch? You could ease any concerns he might have in the email by keeping it light and just saying something like, "Care to have lunch with a friend? Light talk and laughter is on the menu," or something along those lines and see what happens.
Before anyone has a fit that I am advocating contact on the DA thread, I am just responding to WIT's request and she has no other thread at the moment. Besides, one can detach and have contact, the two are not mutually exclusive, nor should they be. Healthy couples are adequately detached from one another.
WIT, hope this helps. Let me know if you wnat to talk more about it.
