Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[sandi2]

I probably should learn just to keep my big mouth shut, but I don't. I only wanted to say (and this isn't meant to defend her, necessarily)but my H has never been a much to talk to me about anything. He barely gives me needed information, much less sit down and carry on a real conversation! Anyway, I when you do nice things for her, I see my H right there with you. I have learned after all these years that must be "his" LL. Oh, I think he like to hear words from me, but he doesn't give me the talk I need, but anyway, he never made a big to do about birthdays. Even though my family always made a big thing out of everyone's birthday, over the years, I began to slack up on doing things for him. I just plain started taking him for granted. I remember some of the pitiful gifts I have given him for Christmas and it shames me. But, do I bring it up and tell him? No. Why? Pride. He has never said a word about it. Reading your post today had made me think of that. You say you have talked to her, but I wonder if you have gotten through to her. Have you really reached her heart? Maybe in your mind, you did, but remember we females think differently, so perhaps you didn't. If my H had let me know that he was disappointed that I did not do as much for him on his birthday that I had done for EVERYBODY ELSE on their birthday.....then I probably would have gotten off my a$$ and done something. If he had let me know that I had put no thought whatsoever in the Christmas gift that I gave him, I would have done better the next time. What it all boils down to is the fact he was "a nice guy" that let me get away with treating him like crap. That is what you have done, my friend. You need to call her hand on everything everytime she does something. Just like with the toothbrush, yes there was probably a "reason" that she acted b*tchy, but it was no "excuse", but you, being a nice guy, let her get away with it. Why didn't you tell her what you did us? Why didn't you say, "Well, I did carry the bags in and unpacked them. If that wasn't good enough, then you can do it from now on." Well, maybe that is not a good response b/c it would probably be a fight, right? And that is what you are trying to prevent. Maybe you could say something that isn't as sarcastic as I did. The point is to stop letting her get away with not being nice. Stop letting her get away with taking you for granted.......in terms she understands. If she doesn't get the message when you go out with your buddies, then it is not working. If sitting her down trying to have conversations at length isn't working, then apparently she needs it broken down and right then and there as it happens. Have you tried doing that?

I never thought I was a selfish person, but I have seen some of myself in your wife and it hurts to know that I have been self centered where my H is concerned. Even though he has plenty of faults and not talking to me is one of them, he has been good to me. Some women appreciate that and return it with acts of kindness, affection, gifts, or other LL. Some, like your W and myself just take it for granted. I guess that was why I thought when she dressed up for you that night we discussed, that that was her way of making the first move toward you......b/c I saw myself in that picture. Maybe (I pray) that I can learn from your stitch that my H may detach emotionally from me--to prevent more hurt.....and that I better try to show him that I do not take his "good guy" nature for granted anymore.

I truly hope and pray that the two of you can make it work. But, I sincerely hope that if you do decide to leave.....and before you walk away, that you will try what I have suggested. What do you have to lose that you haven't already? You might actually see a "gain". Let me know.

Sandi