He is humiliated to have you know the awful details of his financial mess. I do not see a way around that... Exposed lies make liars defensive. You have offered him your heart and loving help. I would think it is time to act as if you love yourself.
I guess you need to go cold and do what it takes to make yourself and what is left of your dream, safe. Include your new YMCA and maybe your minister in your wellness plan. I know how painful and sort of tragic this will feel. Feels already.
It will feel terrible for awhile. Forcing this confrontation may be the real solution. Not cooperating with his lies and disrespect will create more anguish temporarily, but eventually provide relief.
Don't you see? Everything you do is multiplied by 50! So $3000 worth of grain was really $150k! Uhhhhm, what were you supposed to feed the horses? Cheese doodles?
Gee it took my H three whole C sessions to figure out that I am the cause of all his problems. Your H did it all on his own! Sorry just can't give up that sarcastic side of myself
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Oh my, thanks for bringing some humor to this fiasco! How much are cheese doodles vs horse grain? Maybe there is some savings there I haven't thought of! I figured that grain on the high side to favor H but I'll check into cheese doodles. See how much we've saved by H refusing counseling and figuring out all on his own that I am the source of all problems?
I am going to the bank today to make the payment on H's line of credit. I know he won't do it, the banker always calls after it is due to tell H to pay it before it goes into default. Last time H only paid half of what was due and told me it was all taken care of. Right or wrong as far as the R or M and H making more accusations of how I drug him down, I will pay it because it is what is right for ME and the credit.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
No ma'am, you are not the only one. I thought that was normal though!
WCW, I can't figure how you can be responsible for debt that you are unaware of or can't get access to the info? It just boggles my mind! Can you not separate your financial stuff?
Your H is acting like a baffoon, and needs to realize that his foolish pride is not manly, and is, in fact, very childish.
I feel for you and hope this resolves itself soon.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Maybe I can work on an Orange Doodle horse treat, patent it, and get rich!
Oh, and um, I usually lick my fingers off before wiping them on my jeans, doesn't leave quite so much evidence.
BeingMe, our finances are pretty much separated but nothing legally. H opened cc accounts in his name only, I have removed him from my accounts, there is one that somehow I am listed as a user on his account so it shows up on my report. We have access to each others checking etc but he has not crossed that line. He has his personal bills for himself and his business and the retail portion of the ranch stuff (such as grain and why it was on his account), I have my personal bills, all the ranch, usual house stuff and utilities. Up until a few years ago I paid the total mortgage and H did not contribute except for his horse training income. I was okay with that. He quit training. I let it ride for a while but got tired of him living the fun life while I scraped to put every penny in piles and count them to pay everything. I started asking him to pay 'his half' of the mortgage. He didn't like it but has been doing it for a couple of years. THAT may be what actually put a crimp in his plans - whether it was to move out or to repay debt - and why he harbors such anger. He had to cough up cash for the mortgage. I ruined his life. Oh poor H.
Regardless of H, I had a good day yesterday. People came in to ride (and pay), and a high school kid came to do a school project and videotaped me and my mare doing some stuff. H stood around to see what it was about, then there was a part that could use 2 horses so I asked if he would help. Now he is a movie star again. lol
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
This morning I grabbed my purse and there was a keyring full of keys laying on top of it. I asked H 'what's this?' He put them in his pocket and changed the subject to a mitten he had found in the middle of the yard. I asked him what the keys are for? He said he didn't remember them all, they must have fallen out of his skibibs when he got home last night (and landed squarely on top of my purse?). One was for his gun case, bumble bumble bumble..., no other answers for about 6 keys. (I know at one time he had a key for a lockbox for ow and he threatened me 'if you ever tell anyone'.) I said "and for your house in XXX?" He started to nod no but didn't finish that nod, looked real sheepish, and tried to nod no again, we maintained eye contact, he didn't say anything. I left for work.
Tell me what you think. It almost seems like H tires of his secret life and wants me to find out and then he gets all cranked at me and blames me. When this all started he left cell phone bills lay around and I finally looked at them. Then he gets mad and had to hide them all. Blames me. When his credit took a dump the statements laid around and I finally looked at them. Then he gets mad and made them all paperless. Blames me. When I first had hints about his 'other place' he always denied. Now we had another money talk and these keys appear on top of my purse. Coincidence? I don't think so. I wish I had not been so surprised and just grabbed them and put them in my pocket and not said anything.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Sorry just can't give up that sarcastic side of myself
