Actually, you do want a crash, but I don't think it will be coming this quickly.
Ron, this is a long process. If your W is truly MLC, don't even try and look to the future. Take it one day at a time.
I am going to be very blunt here, please do not take offense. But IMHO you are a little controlling. Remember, right now, you cannot do a dam thing for your W. You have to let her be. If she wants to smoke five packs a day, there is nothing you can do. You are helpless right now, and if you continue to try and tell her what is best, or worse, you will send her right out the door.
Back way off. WAY OFF. Be kind, be cordial, and leave her alone. Get your your interests. If you like to do something, do it. Let her do her thing right now. Trust me, the more space you give her, the better off you will be. But, this is not an overnight fix. You are looking at months, if not years. You need to make sure you are in this without any pressure, without any expectations. 0, zip, nada, no expectations. Just because you have one good conversation, that is not going to mean that everything is going well, the next day could be hell.
This is one of the most difficult situations you will EVER face. Pray alot, find your inner peace, and do whatever you need to do to improve yourself. We all can improve. And at the end of the day, do it for you, not for your W. You have to do it because regardless of the outcome, you want to be a better man.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi Lola, No, I was just reflecting on what I see. How can I be controlling when I don't have any control ? I haven't said anything to her about what she does.
I appreciate this site and all of you who respond these questions. You all give me alot of strength to endure this. Just helping me rationalize this , if that's possible, is unbelievably comforting.
I still believe that it is in your best interest to read everything you can about this. YOU have to truly understand this before you can grasp the situation. Look through the MLC resources.
You will never know fully what she is going through, but you have to understand somewhat the confusion that MLC'ers have. Until you do this......you are going to spin in circles.....Like a Hamster on a wheel.
Actually you have more control than you think.You have control over you and how you react, and your wife will react to how you act and react. In my case I believe if I had continued to pursue my wife through words and actions she would have finished the divorce many months ago.I know you feel helpless, but you're not.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
That's just it. We all want to fix it. But it is the realization that we can't. It is not your job to fix your W. It is her job.
It is your job to fix you. I know the early stages of this are very hard, and very painful. I remember what it felt like. It was agonizing, and I wanted answers to questions that were impossible to answer.
Now, a year and a half later, I still love my H, but know this is a part of his growing. He needs to deal with this. And, he is beginning to. The good thing is women tend to deal with their emotional issues faster because generally we are more in touch with our emotions.
There are no guarantees. But, there are always possibilities. But this is her growing experience. It hurts you, but you have to do as much as you can to realize that you cannot fix her. She has to do that all by herself.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
That is where your faith in God will make all the difference, lay your burdens on him .He is more than capable. Trust in the Lord.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Amen Craig. If you do that, you know, the burden is gone, and you will find peace. I don't care what anyone says, the minute I left it totally and completely to God, I knew that everything would be fine, and stopped worrying.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well, Things have gotten tougher now. Last night, while the W and I were in bed, I just happened to place my hand on her arm. She withdrew and pushed my hand away. I asked what brought that on ? She stated that this was about sex. I assured her it wasn't. She rolled over to ignore me. I should have let it go but, I again inquired as to why she was so hypersensitive to my touching her arm. She said me touching her in bed is always about sex.(I never knew this, I had just stepped on a land mine) ) I sat up and inquired about if she was having an affair, and she stated absolutely not. (I know, bad question by me) She went on about how she told me about her feelings before, and why didn't I believe her. I got up and went to the basement, as she went to smoke in the garage. After a few minutes I went to the garage, and asked Why we could not work out her feelings about this. (another bad question) She stated again she is numb and doesn't feel anything for me. I also need to inform you all about an incident we had around 5 years ago. During one of our arguments she threatened to hit me by raising her hand. (I don't think she would have now) But, instinctively I pushed out with my hands and she fell down. After this, she came at me trying to hit me. It ended there. I took responsibility for my actions, sought counseling, assured her it would never happen again by me. She has never been able to forgive me for that moment. I had thought things were going great up until the bomb. I was really watching myself, but she continues to accuse me of yelling sometimes. My voice goes up an couple of octives when emotional. Back to the garage, I was calm but, like she does, she accused me of yelling. I apologized, lowered my tone. I told her I've been doing my best. She commented she has had enough and stated she wants to divorce. We talked a little more about it, but as she had to work, went back to bed. This morning she was not wearing her wedding ring. She said goodbye as she left, I said, I still love you but , I know you don't want to hear this.
I am waiting for things to cool down right now. I don't know where this will go from here... I guess we'll see. Needless to say I feel it's pretty much hopeless.
