Is the answer blowing in the wind?

[Trixi]

Interesting turn of events (we'll see if they come to pass).
While we were at the rehab visting SS, there was a lecture we attended and a movie we watched. H started asking me more about the family counseling days and if I *really* thought it would be good for him to go.

I said "The kid crying his out in the back of the car was saying he doesn't feel important to you. Just imagine if you said "S, I rearranged things at work to be here to support YOU. He's gone thru hell these last few years. It's only 3 days out of a whole lifetime..not to mention, I am sure we will all learn something....besides, when you love someone, you do stuff you don't "feel" like doing because it's what THEY need."

SS got out of his group session and said "My counselor wants to see you guys. He got pissed that you aren't coming to family session." (SS didn't know that H was already starting to soften.) The group counselor kept asking SS, "how does it make you feel?" about us not coming. SS had a difficult time really saying how he felt. The three of us sat down the counselor and SS spoke straight out of his head and said "I would appreciate it if you would come. It seems to be beneficial." Counselor tried to get him to open up, but he wouldn't get to the 'feelings'. By ourselves, H said that SS didn't say any "feelings". I said to H "The kid was crying his eyes out in the car on the way over here. He got raw with his feelings and it didn't "net" him anything. He told me that he gave up trying to talk to you because it wouldn't change anything. The kid is afraid to expose his heart and say the real deal because if you say "no", you'll be hurting his heart."

H is talking with his boss today to see if he can get the time off; we'll take my laptop so H can get some work done. IOW, H sees the value in going. YAY!

Then he says he knows that our situation is going to come up. (ie, he's going to have to explain why he has a roommate, etc.) He knows that it's going to bring up stuff between the two of us and he thinks it will probably help us. And, he thinks we should go to counseling together. (!)

What he exactly said is "We should go to counseling together because I think we have a hard time telling each other all of our feelings. It's probably going to hurt, though. I don't know how things will turn out."

I said that I felt like I was being set up. That if he knew what direction he was going for sure, then I didn't want to go.
He said he was right on the fence. But, for sure, he loves me, he misses me, he can't seem to stay away from me and he thinks we must have "something" between us. So, it's time to explore it further. But there would probably be some pain going thru the process.

I said that I was fine digging gravel out of a wound to try to save a leg. That I would know it would hurt, but I would want to get all the ucky stuff out so that it could heal properly. However, if you know you are going to end up amputating the leg, then I would rather not dig out the gravel-just chop the leg off. He said that would be cruel and he wouldn't do that. He really wants to explore the possibility of reconciliation.

He realized that SS and he are lucky to have me in their lives. (duh) He said that he loves taking care of me (about mid-way thru, I was feeling quite ill from all the cigarette smoke that was attached to everyone and how the building smelled.) H was very attentive. The video made him feel like he really could kick smoking. It also talked about having principles, morals, doing what you say, etc. H didn't cite those things, but I think those things made a dent.

H is supposed to call around and find a counselor. He said he would do that today. We'll see. I don't know that I will hold him to that given that he is going to have to prep for an unexpected 3 day absence at work today. (We'll leave in the wee hours tomorrow.)

Feeling a little hopeful....