If you are feeling like you "need" to contact WS. Type a text mess. save it. Wait for awhile. Then think really hard, be honest with yourself. "is it REALLY necessary? will it gain me anything?" Then if you trully think you Need to, send it.
I did this the other night, and in the end I deleted them. Worked for me!
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Welcome Kassie. It must be hard to remain detached when he keeps pulling on your string.
If you're not initiating contact and he still wants to have these R talks, just listen. Try to wrap it up quickly (because you've got something to do). Suggest that he come back in another week if he still feels the same way. He's yo-yoing and pulling you up and down at the same time.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Silvagod, JD and WIT; My D3 is/was almost too young (not yet 3) to understand about the call. She would nod but not talk, etc. Also I have my D3 3 overnights every week - so it's not like we do not have good contact. I would like to call to say goodnight on the long weekends without her though - It becomes too much time w/o contact.
So Sat. night I was at a work function - a Gala fundraiser for a client held at a Casino with overnight acccomodations... My W does not know anything about the event... So at 1 am I left her a message to attempt to spike her curiosity... "You are missing a fun time out on the town... I have decided not to go (to my)home tonight and will not be home until tomorrow afternoon. You are welcome to go to my house in the morning to play with the dogs" (her dogs see gave up when she moved out).
She called on Sun afternoon... "what was the message about ?" me "I thought you might have wanted to visit and play with the dogs since I wasn't going to be there". WAW "I got that part and I really do miss them a lot... But i still do not know why the call at 1 am (meaning what were you doing out that late and not going home)?" I dismissed the question. WAW "Do you want to talk with your D3? " me "I would love to" I spoke with D3 telling her "how much I miss her and I love her very much." WAW can always overhear me talking with D3 as it is her cell phone and she is always nearby helping my D3 respond.
So was it a bad idea to leave that 1 am voicemail (letting her know that I am out having a lot of fun) and she can visit (her) dogs? Or was it good to peak WAW curiousity ? Thoughts ?
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day
SD, I think that was ok to do, but if you think about it next time do it before you leave and let her wonder all night about what you are doing.
I am really struggling with mentally detaching these past few days. I don't fight myself to contact him, but I find myself thinking about what he is doing. With exh and OW both living so close by (each less than a mile)its very easy to become sort of stalkerish. Yuck. Not what I want to be doing, but its now a constant battle. Like yesterday, when the texts stopped again I assumed OW was back and I never heard from him again. Then I start thinking and thinking.
So I guess my challenge in this DA is not checking up on him anymore.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2 - pretty normal. I don't think detaching means you just stop having feelings, it's really sort of like staying off alcohol/drugs. I don't mean to diminish the hold that drugs and alcohol can have on a person at all, but this is a situation where we perform unhealthy activities on an obsessive level.
SO2 - start with an hour, or even a half hour a day. Find something to do that will keep your mind occupied. Move up to an hour after a week. It's impossible to just say, "I'm going to stop thinking about some I love."
so2 - muct be tough to join DA... with a newborn daughter and Xh only 1 mile away. Seems Xh just doesn't get it, maybe he never will. So you just need to forus on yourself and your 3 biological kids - they need you.
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day
I have been on this site for 4 months now. detaching is hard. I t means you need to cut off worrying about their life, their activities and their issues. I tdoes not mean cutting off your feelings. I am going through it now and the opnly way for me to get it really started is to cut out everything, including feelings, for a time. Everytime you think of them, think of something else to do. everytime a thought of them pops in your head, think of something you should be doing. I t works.
rule of thumb: today, act as if they will never come back, love and live like they will be back tomorrow.
