... this translates to "expectations" which translates to "not detaching" and you sometimes call it "not settling". I think in piecing and for the rest of your married life you will need to detach. Heck, we even need to detach from our little one's when they throw a temper tantrum and even they have quite a big ego!
Practice not taking your spouse's behavior personally. He is the product of the hand dealt to him by circumstance and genetics and the relationship dynamic that you are at least partly responsible for. You committed your life to him for better or worse. You have two beautiful kids together. Life is unpredictable, circumstances change. You owe him your love thru' all this. What if he met all your romantic and other expectations and the next day got hit by a truck or had a stroke that made him unable to speak or move. Would you abandon him then? My hunch is he's afraid to take the plunge and come home mainly for this reason that you do not accept him for who he is but what you expect from him. In fact to him it seems that nothing he does is good enough for you - whether its an IPOD, a beautiful dress, a kiss, whatever, ...
I dont want to spend the rest of my life being completely detached from the man beside me. I dont agree with "full-total" detachement. I am fully detached now and cant love him. I think he was detached from me when he went after new interests. There is a fine line between detachement and not caring. He crossed that line nearly 2 years ago and that enabled him to fall for someone and abandoned us. I detached recently and you know what happened. I am trying to ATTACH now.
Of course I take the way he treats ME personally. I will not just pretend.
Frankly, I dont feel I owe him anything anymore. I think I gave him everything, my soul, my heart, my mind, my body, time, patience, understanding, love, support, everything.
And I dont know about me but I am sure that he would abandon me if I was hit by a truck. He has done it already. He was driving the truck and left me behind... K
