Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, Lola!

Do not, whatever you do, read to much into your H's reaction to all this. If you do, he will likely back off. He may anyway. .......if you allow him the time to process the information, he will definitely appreciate that.

Yes, I know H will likely withdraw even more into his shell than he has been, but I am OK. It's to be expected not just with the situation with S17, but also with the R talk we had yesterday.

And I really need to do some more work on ME! I need to get back to more GAL stuff!

Thank you for your encouragement and wise advice from experience. It is very much appreciated and I know you are right.

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, S.T.!!

Thank you for your input!!

I do not believe this is a mistake for everyone. It just depends HOW you do it and at what point in the sitch you do it....

I agree that this can be a good thing or a bad thing. I did tell my H when I talked to him about my love for him being unconditional recently, that if he ever felt a need for a "conjugal visit", and so long as he wasn't "active" with anyone else and thus exposing me to something, that he should feel free to let me know, because I missed it too!!! I told him that even that part of my love was unconditional and that he should know that I would not take it to mean that he was ready for reconciliation or anything. I told him that to me, it would simply be sharing my love with him in a physical way, the same that it has always been. H just said that he would keep it in mind and I have not mentioned it since and I will not.

I believe it is because they are scared to get back involved, and they are confused, or they don't want to lead us on.

Yes, definitely this is the case with my H!!!

Your s17 got to see a side of H that he may not have seen before, and you both got to share an experience together that may have helped create a little bonding moment. Not that it was a good experience, but he is safe, so that's what matters.

I do think that ultimately it was a good growth experience, especially in my son's relationship with his Dad, and I am grateful for that.

Thanks again, {{{{{{S.T.}}}}}}

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, BM!!

.... She is letting him take responsiblity for his actions. (He got arrested with some friends for smoking pot). Seems to be working.....

H and I have told S17 that if anything like this happens again, we will be reporting it to the police, and he WILL face the consequences of that whatever they may be! This was his one "get out of jail free card" and it's used up, so he can't use it again!

.... I am glad h stepped up and did the right thing. I am sure he was very frightened for your son also. I think it was good for your son to see your h so upset.

I think so to!!!

....Poor lil darling MLCers cant take pressure.

Never mind them!.....I can't take it!!!.....Well, I suppose I can, because I am! But, I sure don't like it!!!

Thank you for being my friend, BM!!

[[[[[hugs]]]]]

[Virtually_Handsome]

Here's a good story..... S19 went out on New Year's Eve to a friend's house... I don't know the whole story but it seems that the friend ened up owning the house through fortunate circumstances rather than any actual responsibility.... Anyway, about the time he got there, the neighbors across the street called them, and said that if all of the cars that didn't belong there weren't gone in 20 minutes, they were going to call the police. I don't know if everyone left, but S19 came home. I'm sure there was going to be underage drinking going on, at least. He knew better than to get caught up in trouble he didn't need to be in. (I'm sure he would have been drinking, too. He was planning to spend the night. Got to pick the right battles!) So, it seems that giving him a certain degree of freedom does seem to encourage a certain degree of responsibility. As your son starts to earn back the freedom, I expect the same thing could well happen with him!

[Silent Chrleader]

......So, it seems that giving him a certain degree of freedom does seem to encourage a certain degree of responsibility. As your son starts to earn back the freedom, I expect the same thing could well happen with him!

I sure hope so!!!

Thanks, Jeff!!

[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]

[LolaL]

I am very impressed with the way you have handled the sitch w/ S17. It is very good to show him that there are consequences for his actions.

And he and your H are probably getting along well right now because they are both acting like teenagers!!!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

And on the positive reinforcement side, both H and I have plans to spend some good fun time with S17, like going to movies and dinners and such.

This is a VERY good thing. It's usually for these reasons that our children find themselves in bad situations. Not that it is really our fault, but it's so easy for us parents to only expect good from our children and not reinforce it, and only respond to the negative things they do, which end up causing us to only respond to them when they are doing wrong.

so I'm so glad that you have chosen to make this an important part of getting things "right".


This is something I need to work on daily!

[dl443322]

You are very welcome. You and I both need to get to gettin' in the GAL department. Let's try and come up with some things we could do. I let it go for awhile, but it's time to try some things on for size.

Let's let our h's blow in the wind for now. It's their loss all the way around, ya know?

[Silent Chrleader]

.......Let's try and come up with some things we could do...........Let's let our h's blow in the wind for now. It's their loss all the way around, ya know?

Here Here!!! I'm with ya, BM!!!

Most all success stories I have read happened after the LBS really let go.....I mean REALLY let go as in didn't figure it was going to happen and started moving along with their own life. Although I try to do the "right" DB things, I know that in the back of my mind, I always hold on to hope, and I wonder if that's a bad thing...?? I'm really not sure. Is that not fully "letting go"? Can I really let go of it?? Is that within my power? I can choose not to focus on my hopes or let them rule me, but can I choose to let it go? If so, I sure haven't figured out how to do that!

BUT.....I know that what I need to do is.....

1. Keep going to IC to work on ME!
2. Spend good quality fun time with S17 at least a couple times a week.
3. Get together with adult friends at least once every a week for dinner or something fun!
4. Find some sort of hobby that I enjoy (yoga....??)
5. NOT call H at all! Leave all contact to him, unless it's emergent with S17. Financial stuff I can e-mail.
6. Concentrate more on my job! I have not been nearly as dedicated at work as I have been in the past and they have been supportive of me, but I have to cut that crap out! My job is my stability and I am lucky to have it!
7. I need to get back to exercising! I have not gained any of the weight I lost back, but I am not loosing really any morem and I need to build my health, physical strength and endurance.

In short, I need to be the best me I can be for ME!

[dl443322]

OK, this is freaky, but I pretty much was going to write all the exact same things, except for number 6. I have a parttime job that cannot become full time and it doesnt have benefits. But I have been out of the "real" work force for a long time and I dont have a college degree.

Ok, so, let's do it together. I have plans to go out with friends this Friday. How about you?

The hobby thing is throwing me. I keep looking.

As for exercising, I have a neuromuscular disease so some things are difficult, but I might be able to manage soome light yoga. I am going to look for a class - why dont you also?

Thanks again, my friend.

By the way, how is your son doing? I have added him to my prayers.