I like the way you are considering YOUR future, that's what NC is all about in my opinion. It gives US a break to allow us to refocus.
Your are quite within your rights to greive for a missed opportunity in your future, but don't dwell on it, how can you miss what you don't know will happen!!
I have started a DA Club thread in WAW. We can centralise our thoughts and efforts there.
I can GAL all I want, but I still come home to an empty house. I've bought some new music and find that helps. Trying to learn more about musicians who are local to my area.
Pleasant evening with friends, will ski again tomorrow and have ski coaching session late tomorrow afternoon.
Worked on the basement today and now have the utility room set up. Setting up the bike repair stand reminded me to register for a bicycle maintenance course... more GAL and also a 180 because h used to work on my bikes. I don't have any ability to do so... yet! There's always room for 2 bike stands, right? Who knows what the future holds?
WIT, Just one thing I will tell you as I was reading some of your backgrounds - maybe you've already decided this, but I'll just make it more concrete.
Don't waste time on the OW - I think I told someone the other day that any energy spent thinking about H/OW is energy wasted - mostly because it wasn't spent on you!
I'm just like you - I want to know every detail, and that's how I was at first. But now, I simply want to know WHY W wants him - I don't care what he looks like, how he acts, who he is - ANYTHING. The only single thing I desire to know is why she was attracted to him in the first place. Luckily, this is exactly what Michelle recommends in her book.
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. If your H did come back, do you really want to look at him, and have sordid details of an affair flash in your mind? Or would you rather look at him, and know that what he did was wrong, but you are both moving past it?
That's how I am with my W - I don't have any idea if it's a PA or not, and I don't care. If she comes back, and wants to be with me - I'm going to take that and run with it. OM will obviously have to be a thing of the past never to appear again, but I will accomplish NOTHING if I fixate on him, now or in the future.
Just thinking out loud.
Good for you on the skiing! My hardest days are when I don't have my kids - I basically clean a lot so the time goes faster! Just keep up the good work - awesome about the basement as well!
I meant to try XC skiing when I lived in Anchorage, WIT. Just never got off my lazy a$$ to do it. Sigh, another regret. But I am going to try downhill next weekend for the first time in 20 years! And I would love to go snowshoeing, I'm just afraid to get my MINI stuck in the mountains if it snows too much. I may just do a little weather research and go somewhere during the week. Hey, I should take advantage of weekdays while I'm still unemployed!
Sounds like you have a lot of personal reflection to do, both regarding your M and your life in general. I feel that way too. Not about children since I decided long ago I'm not interested in parenting, but about where my life is going and how I want to live it. This crisis has been a wake-up call to everything and I feel like I'm at a major crossroads.
Good luck with the adoption decision, I know it's a big one.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
Very cute and not completely without basis in reality! Thanks for the joke and making me a laugh!
Reminds me of some of the dynamics in my m..... not a bad thing to consider on this journey of detachment.
Journalling..
Just got back in from early morning ski. Ran into my h in parking lot!!
It was almost a "bridge" moment. Know what I mean?
He was with a couple and so was I... but everyone seemed to melt away as we walked towards each and he kissed me. Neither of us said hello to the others who were with us. He stood close to me and bent his head down, looking at and making conversation about my new skis. When one of his friends finally walked up to us, he didn't break eye contact with me. I greeted her and asked what route they had planned. Wished them a good ski and peeled out quickly. Everyone else had left without waiting to greet either one of us (we've all had dinner together in the past in different configurations).
It was as if we were in this capsule that no one else there entered. The whole interaction lasted probably less than 5 minutes. It was positive. I felt detached and connected to him at the same time.
Could I be wrong... it's difficult to describe but sometimes there's an energy between 2 people that isn't just about one of them. Setting what my "hope" may read into the encounter, it felt like there was a connection between us that was mutual and exclusive in those few spontaneous and completely unexpected moments.
It surprises me. Not during the encounter (it felt completely natural), but in reflecting back on it.
Very interesting but I agree with Pearl. Don't get expectations too high. I have had a few of those and then "so what's happening with the divorce" pants!!
If you felt it, I'm almost certain H will have as well. Difference is, he probably forgot within a few minutes. You must do that too. Think, wow, that was weird in a nice way, ah well. Then get on with everthing else.
If there is a connection still there and there will be one somewhere, it will have stirred something for both of you.
