Itsy, If you want to invite him over when your family is all there, you do the inviting. Pick up the phone or email him and just tell him that your daughter is coming in from out of town and you are planning to have all of your children over for dinner and you thought you would extend an invitation to him to have dinner with the family. Do not put your children in the middle. You mentioned that you didn't want him to use the children as a go between for his messages to you, therefore, you need to do the same....leave the children out of it. Go straight to him w/the invitation.
Of course, you do understand, that this could either be an acceptance of the invitation or not. Just extend the invitation and then allow him to make up his own mind. No expectations.
I would think on this a bit more as he turned ugly on you just 8 months ago. He's not fully out the tunnel yet. He may be giving gifts out that you would normally expect from him as a pre-crisis man, but he's still got a ways to go. BTW, if they are ready to reconnect w/the spouse, they will find a way to do so. Time will tell in the case of your xh.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
