Okay, I am really down now. I wish I could just give up just for the sake of having some closure. I feel like my life is just one big failure. I am trying to press forward with my life, and yet it seems that no matter what I do, my past is ever before me. While I am not that same person, circumstance is there to remind me of who I was and how this situation is of my own doing. I know that I caused my wife so much pain, my daughter so much confusion. And in the end, I know that I deserve all this sadness I am experiencing. I've been DBing for a little over a half a year now, and it feels like only yesterday that I lost my wife. I am grateful for the progress that has been made. No one ever said this journey was going to be easy - so I have to be here for the long haul. I just wish this road was less bumpy. I wrote my wife a love note this morning that I know I can never give her, at least not now. So I will vent here.
"Dear Love, God only knows the time and date, the exact location of where you are reading this. But no matter where you are, one thing remains - I still love you. You are my beautiful princess, the only person I want to share my life with - the only person worth giving it all to. You and our daughter are my everything. Above all, I want you to be happy, to be loved, to be everything God meant you to be. Anything great in life requires a sacrifice. But when you love someone, that sacrifice isn't a sacrifice at all, but rather a privilege. It is honor to demonstrate my love for you and our daughter. I hope that our hearts will be knitted together - that we will become truly one - never letting go of love. But no matter where you and I stand,the only thing that matters to me is that you and our daughter are truly happy, that all your dreams are true and that your life is filled with love. No matter where you are, I will never stop loving you, never stop believing, never stop wishing you all this life has to offer. "
