Yeah, it was D17 who said it remarking on talking about her being depressed. I guess mayby W was saying it to her because I have said nothing about unitl the school meeting. who knows.

yeah I am scraping of the ruined palster today and will get the patching done. went online and found a website that gave very simple and good procedures for repairs.

Me and my MIL are very very close. she is one of my best friends actually. She will think everything is awesome. she always does. I have already got her bedroom all set. I spoke with her last night and she still is very upset about this. she loves me very much and doesn't want us to be apart. I sauid neither do I. that's all I would committ to as far as commnets.

Went to church this morning, not a lot there, another snowstorm hit us this morning. went to the gym, shoveled the driveway and just had a great dinner. I make the very best meatloaf. Its the Irish in me.

d17 didn't call me last night like I asked her to, but I didn't call hounding her either. I don't want her to think I am controlling. she will call today of that I have no doubt. I prayed today for her, for God to make my little girl happy again, to take away some of this grief and pain from her, and give it to me. I can handle it. thought a lot last night as I slept, thought aboput lots of things with regard to me, some things I liked, most things i didn't , more self valuation. Got up feeling ok, had coffee went to church and prayed my heart out to Him. Walking with Him is good, but now the path is heading down a little. I am hoping its not some kind of sign, just a variation in the path. i didn't exactly think it would be straight and level anyway. But it is going good. Can I ask you something? Have you ever seen yourslef in a dream or imagfe and are you younger. I have white hair, only 48, its hereditary. In my dreams my hair is dark brown like when I was back in high school. I know the meaning of it, it is a throw back to a time when I controlled me, no one else and I was accoutnable to myself for anythng I did. I was confident, well liked, aggressive, open, friendly, kind and well, loved. I see myself in this image and dream this way becasue it is where I am heading to . To come full circle. I have in many respects. Now this will complete it. Just thought I'd ask. some people do, some don't...

My love for kids and my boys, is never an issue with anything in my life. No amount of pain, anger or internal suffering I have, detracts from that. It is my beacon, it is what gets me through, it also confues me as to why she couldn't love someone who loves so deeply, so unconditionally and consistently... Not my problem...She'll figure it out one day, Only God knows if I'll still be there for her...