Absolutely not as in "Do I like being that way"? In giving her space, I've been trying to. What does that mean. I live in the same house, so I have to speak to her. I don't ask about what's going on between us. If she wants to do something I say OK. She is in the lead now. I don't know what else to give her in the space department. I ask if I can help with chores and such, she says no usually. I hold up what I've been doing in the past ...
Giving space for a woman: No R talk No touching No kissing No lurking when she is on the phone or 'puter Be nice, but not too nice Don't try to solve her problems, this is her job Don't offer unsolicited advice If she goes in another room, don't follow If she is watching something you hate on TV, find another TV If she is on the couch, sit in the chair Sounds like avoidance? It is. But that is what she is asking you for right now. Your greatest gift is to give it to her.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It's all good. Trust me, you will end up knowing more than you ever wanted to.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
No, I am just saying that as time goes on, with the research you do and the advice you get from this board, you will learn what to watch for. For example, I can tell you that in the beginning, I could not understand why I was so depressed in the beginning of every month, and attributed it to the frame of time that H dropped the bomb. But then I realized that my reaction was because H tended to back off the first week of the month, and I wouldn't hear from him. And finally, I realized that is the time he gets paid, and that he was stressing, and it had nothing to do with me. I learned to just leave him alone.
You will learn what your W's triggers are. she will not tell you, but you will learn them. You just have to pay attention. read everything you can get your hands on regarding MLC.
Keep busy. Remember you were someone before the bomb, and you will be someone after. By focusing entirely on your W and M, you will not be doing either one of you any good. You need to focus on w hat you wish to change about yourself.
Mach likes to say to create goals and a mission statement. You might start there...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Giving space for a woman: No R talk No touching No kissing No lurking when she is on the phone or 'puter Be nice, but not too nice Don't try to solve her problems, this is her job Don't offer unsolicited advice If she goes in another room, don't follow If she is watching something you hate on TV, find another TV If she is on the couch, sit in the chair Sounds like avoidance? It is. But that is what she is asking you for right now. Your greatest gift is to give it to her.
I've been following this to a T, W is being nice when she responds, but It feels awkward to me. I feel the tension as there used to be more interaction between us.
Personally, I would advise you to be YOU, as long as you are not crossing a boundary that your wife has put in place right now.
If she goes into the living, and you wanted to go there too, go. The point is not to be shadowing her on purpose, which would definitely give off the pursuit vibe to her.
We don't need to uproot our normal behavior, except as it violates a change that THEY have instituted regarding them. If she does not want intimacy, then that is off limits, regardless of your desire.
Am I making sense with this?
I just wanted you to avoid becoming WEIRD to your wife because of too much NEW behavior. You're not trying to become her adversary. You're just trying to appreciate her desire for space.
It's a tough balancing act, as you've noted, but I think it's important to work hard at both honoring their boundaries but staying true to who you are as a human being.
You can talk to your wife just fine. Don't initiate relationship talk, and if she gets comfortable and starts one, be very careful. If you get any sense that she is becoming testy, change the subject or get the heck out of the room.
Tough.
But doable.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I know everyone is different in their situations. Finding the balance for your own sitch will work best. I just didn't want to change too much. Some of these things were OK before. At least I didn't feel as though there was as much tension and the W would voice it if she had a problem.
I have been watching what has been going on as of late with the W. She seems to only have a problem with me. (Imagine that) We can go to Walmart as a family, and she is friendly, even happy. She hasn't ignored the S or D, or house/chores, she refuses to let me help her but occasionally. I used to do more but, she said I was being perfect. She has been in a cleaning, exercising mode as well. She refuses to give up cigarettes, and complains she is short winded. Her smoking has increased in my opinion. She works all day at her job and then comes home and takes care of S-11, his Homework, Bathes him later, 1-2 loads of wash, you get the idea. I cook dinner , handle dishes, trash etc. It's usually when I say goodnight to her or when she leaves for work in the am. It's seems to be those moments when we're alone that I see and feel some tension. We talk and she'll even smile sometimes. I've been trying to make light of the moments when it get's awkward. She seems to be on a roller coaster too. She will sleep alot on the weekends. I've got to hand it to her, she's fighting it like a trooper. God, I'm doing my best to help but, I feel helpless. I've dropped the rope, and am just being friendly and supportive.
