Ian and Bbj, I was being... a smarta$$, I know it's what I say/feel that matters.
We had an interesting day today. Anger showed up and I got bitter and made comments of no real use to him in front of our friends. At one point, he asked me politely to just stop. I did. I thought I was done with anger but a whole new "thing" has started. I realised I am angry he is trying to pretend a whole year never happened, we dont need to talk about it, he doenst feel the need to say sorry, hold me in his arms and say "I know this has been hard, I am sorry, I had to do it".
I know, I know, before you start shooting, I know I will probably never get that, even if things go well, but guess what? I need it.
Being with people we have been together before so many times, hearing them making plans about their life, thinking there was not violent break in their lives' common story, got me really mad.
I hope he realises that unless there is somekind of "katharsis'" discussion, actions etc I will not be able to be peacefull inside. I was OK before, thinking this is what he wants, but now I get these thoughts, "how do I get over this alone, who will give me reassurance, who will help me understand, why did all this happen if you dont do it?" It's like all this happened for nothing. Just for him to.. rest. It feels like he is tryingto convince me all this never happened. What about me? What happens with my scars? He -again- has nothing to do with them? K
