Hi J, thanks for your post, again. My sitch is pretty complicated, there was his depression 2003 and my then EA.. followed by us succesfully piecing in 2004 and then the bombshell of me finding out about his concealed issues March 2005 and then his dad going into the coma, May 2005...then bereavement, more depression, hard work renovating his Dads house, then our house, then moving away from friends and family, him starting a new job, me giving up my career and loss of my status..more depression and finally.. ow.
I like your point about not telling others about Helen..my FF berated me for 'protecting him' but I didnt and I see it minimises damage. We spent alot of time together from Feb - Aug last year, until he started seeing the EA, but was purely platonic and now, its too late anwyay!
He asked me to marry him twice, I said no.. my Mum drummed it into me from 7, dont get M, dont do what I did... I am over that now. I was within the R, but he joked "the offer's lapsed" when I changed it to a yes.
A)..He's never critiscised me, or given me any 'reasons' for ending it, other than, IDLYA and this is the right thing for me. Any time I tried to own responsibility for my behaviour in our R, or say sorry, he stops me and says, Dont! You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to apologise for, its me, I'm mental, crazy... etc
B & C) - I had lots of fun times with him after the bomb, Feb-Aug, meals, bike rides, drinks with friends, cinema, days out, cooked dinners, walked on the beach.. He emailed me every day and called most nights. I was always witty in texts and emails and made him laugh on the phone.. he still didnt come back.
Your point about Helen is spot on, and what Jody said. He chose someone he doesnt have to have complete intimacy with, he feels worthless, so he chose someone not worthy either, but the point is, he prefers his status in that R with her, than with me, who he knows is worthy. And, looks like he's sticking with her.
