[quote=naej I would be tempted to cage the wife and give your darling pup the freedom to roam free. [/quote]
Naej and Madilda, Thanks for the laugh. She does need to be caged, when she gets into one of her rants. In her defense, I'm sure I don't portray enough positives about her.
I put up with it because I consider D to be an escape, not a solution. I use the situation to work on what I need to improve upon as a person and H. My W does have some valild concerns, which are not communicated well.
The therapist hasn't returned my call yet. I don't seem to be in a hurry to schedule yet. I want to see what changes I can make on my own, but will pursue it if W mentions it.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL--I think you're right to give it time, D is not (or shouldn't be) an escape. But oh, I wish she wouldn't behave like that. The idea that "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"...won't ever equal a loving, intimate union.
And I have to say, that when she starts going off on you about not giving her children...the puppy sitch says A LOT. Kids are just as inconvenient and challenging! I know you already know that. Just had to say it.
Keep working on your resolutions...perhaps a large amount of positive water under the bridge will be enough to influence her. If not, you're certainly making progress on implementing your intentions, and that is a good thing.
Aud, I think my W's handling of the puppy situation is telling also. She cares about the puppy, and does caring things for him. However, she has her limits, and can only supervise him for a period of time.
I don't see how she could manage children. I would never say this to her.
It validates what I was thinking ten years ago, when we were wrestling with the issue. I think having children with her would have been very difficult.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I keep trying to transform my W's arrows into flowers.
On Tuesday night we went to a favorite jazz club. The evening didn't turn out well because there were only three of us from our dance community. I didn't want to dance as much as my W and this caused conflict, an a difficult car ride home. I think the solution is to avoid venues, where we know the number of dancers is going to be small, because I cannot meet my W's expectations regarding number of dances.
I decided to go again with her the next night to a dance venue. She had a great time as many of her favorite partners were there. I had decided the antidote to a difficult evening, is to get out again as soon as possible.
My W unknowingly told the DJ that my birthday was soon (1/16). This means that my name is announced, and I go out on the dance floor, and ladies line-up to dance with me. I had decided to be low-key about my birthday this year.
My name was announced, and I had my coat on and tennis shoes. I was unbalanced, and failed to recover. I chose to leave, with people looking at me, puzzled by my actions.
I was upset with my W in the car afterwards, for not asking me if I wanted to be in the spotlight. She couldn't empathize with me, and couldn't understand why I wasn't grateful for the surprise. I could tell we were going to go in circles, so said nothing further about it once we got home.
On Thursday, my W and I attended a wine tasting at a favorite restaurant. We enjoyed it, and enjoyed conversing with people in the table next to us.
Last night, we went to a Friendship Force meeting and listened to a world traveler describe his travels. We left with an application and intend to join. It is an exchange program where one hosts world travlers for a week or so, and visits other countries and are hosted by a family.
I think what I'm doing differently is being more resilient about recovering from a difficult night, and rather than dwelling on it, move on to to the next positive experience. My W and I have also cultivated and continue to cultivate a balanced life, filled with positive experiences.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 01/17/0904:00 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
The Friendship Force sounds like it might be the perfect activity for you two (hopefully the week you would be hosting a couple your wife would be warm and inviting.....and mostly kind to YOU!) Can you pick where you go?
Matilda, My understanding is you find a sponsoring group that's visiting a country you want to go to. You travel with the group, and then you split up into your host families.
I think as long as we're pursuing something my W wants to do, her behavior will be fine, for the most part.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, talking about flowers (well, I was talking about flowers on another thread).....how about buying your wife some flowers?! Just get the $4 bunch from the grocery store. Flowers for no reason on a cold winter day can do wonders...maybe help change some of those arrows for a short time.
