I said I wanted to rebuild trust with my h and my IC asked what would it take to do that.
I replied "complete transparency. I want to know that I can check email, phone calls, ask questions adn that he will tell me the truth and/or show me evidence for it.
My IC then asked me how I thought my h would respond to that.
I responded that I thought constant questioning would piss him off.
She sort of nodded and then suggested that what I wanted would not really rebuild trust as it relied on me always asking. She suggested that h be fully open in explaining his whereabouts, who he talks to etc so that I dont' even NEED to ask the paranoid questions. I find it very reassuring when I get a decent level of detail from my h. In the past, he has lied/hidden about a lot of things and gotten away with it, mainly because he has simply avoided talking about it or gotten mad with me.
Basically, some of what you say would rebuild trust but don't you want your wife to feel like an adult that is sharing her life with you rather than as a shamed spouse who must be prepared to prove anything and everything at her betrayed h's whim?
I haven't read any of your sitch so I apologise if this seems out of touch but the topic title caught my eye. This is exactly what I would like to sort out with my h. I am the betrayed spouse, but I pushed him away and more than likely he feels that seeing as how I didn't want him, he would get what he could where he could. So I own 50% of the problem. There's just heaps of layers that have to be dealt with and then peeled away and so on.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
