I think JD has some good insights on what detaching is when there are kids involved. Going dark isn't an option.
Could you try not initiating the contact (unless necessary for the kids)? The db coach told me to make sure that whatever contac there, I should end it first. I guess it's the "leaving them wanting more" principle or simply, you've got a happy (detached) life and you've gotta' go! Bye! (click)
