HI there J! Yes we were intimate, very much so, still ML as normal, including the last night he was here, which was 2 weeks after the bomb!! No issues there, he even said it was the "best ever". Wierd hey.
No, he doesnt have a healthy self-esteem! He is full of self-loathing and shame and often said in the last year (as recently as November)....I'm worthless, I'm nothing, whats the point of it all, forget me, I'm dead. He has had a depression (untreated till March last year) since I have known him at 22.
He was VERY shy when we met, I 'trained' him to be ok naked with the lights on! I made him practice by going down to fetch the mail naked in broad daylight, lol! So.. no, I'm no prude and was never insecure about our sex life. BMF was explaining what the "helen thing" is all about, in the context of what a horrible person she is (he stays with her because she is good in bed). Maybe he just wanted "different" after 9 years?
My ex has some deep seated issues only I know about. He went to pieces when he knew I knew (this was in 2005).. Helen wont know. With her he can be a new person. Thats what the 'newness' you mention is all about. And yes, until he can get his head straight, he wont come back. But.. he is keeping a connection going between us, very controlled and at a low level that he feels comfortable with so that he KNOWS I wont phone/turn up and make it awkward for him with Helen. But, he does continue to contact me and I am betting he will email me, or even phone again soon. Its not as often, but he does keep contacting me.
Question is.. what do I do about that now? I am not sure I can keep going on being 'friendly' and available. Should I ignore his next email? Or reply only very briefly? Or wait a week to reply? If he calls, I am determined to try getting off the phone earlier (last few calls were hour and twenty mins long). But.. I dont know if I can really do any of these things, but I am considering it now at least !!!! x
