i wish we loved close too...but you guys need to move my way!! NO WAY am i heading to the midwest this winter!! GOOD GRIEF you guys are getting hit hard!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
It royally sucks here. Schools are closed in my area due to frigid temperatures.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Yesterday my daughter's day care center called me wondering where she was. I had to call me ex since he was responsible for her. His car did not start and he was unable to take her. He was so much like the old H. He even told me to be careful in the snow. We talked for about 35 minutes and then I decided to end the conversation. I have been dark since October from him.
That night ex went over to my father's house. He has not seen my father since my mother's funeral which was in August. My father said he was very much like the old H. However, he did not talk about me at all or the situation. My father said it was obvious that he could not deal with his feelings around what he has done. My father wanted to blast him, but did not feel it was the time or appropriate.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I wish we all lived close by. Imagine the kind of MLC coming out party we could have.
Can I come, too??? :-) I wish we did live close enough to do something like that. It would be so fun!
Some stuff has happened recently that have made it easier for me to move on, especially when I don't have to see xH. I've been going out with some of my single girlfriends, and have had guys flirt with me, ask me for my phone number, and even ask me out! I went out with one of my best girlfriends on New Year's Eve on a kind of double date (she's going out with a new guy and didn't know him well enough to go out with him alone on New Year's, so she set me up with an old friend of hers from university days). I even got a kiss for New Year's! Fun, but very weird. First new guy I've kissed in 22 years. Wow. I am in no way ready for a new relationship, and I don't think I'm even ready to date (the guy asked my friend for my phone number the next day, but I said I wasn't quite ready for that), but the flirting sure is fun! (And affirming.)
One reason I know I'm not ready to date yet is because I know I still have feelings for H, but it's nice to see that there are other possibilities out there. It's not what I really want, and never what I would have chosen, but xH is not giving me the choice of being with him. So...I am trying to move on, and make this year all about me and the kids, and not about me missing him, or being hurt by him, or wanting him back.....etc., etc.
It's easier when I don't have to see him. Seeing him (especially when he's being semi-normal and nice) just opens up all the pain over lost dreams and makes it harder to move on. Because it makes me miss him, and miss being with him, and then he turns around 2 days later is Mr. Nasty again, telling me what a horrible person I am and blaming me for everything that's wrong in the world and dragging me back down into the muck and the mire. I can't keep letting myself get dragged into that. It's too draining.
I don't know if I'm at the point where I've quit standing...I don't think so, but it's hard to pinpoint. I know I don't want to continue living in the misery that I've lived in for the past 2 years. I know I need to get healthy for me and my kids. I know that the possibility for new love exists if and when I'm ever ready for it. (Though I still have doubts if I'll ever be able to fully trust any man ever again.) I know I don't want H back the way he is now, and I don't know if the H I knew and loved will ever make a comeback.
So.....what does that mean for standing? Honestly, I don't know.
Trusting, the post you found on the infidelity site was very inspiring. Thanks for that.
Sorry for the thread hijack! I know some of you guys have similar timelines to me, and may be going through some of these same things. Any inights into what standing means at this point?
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Trusting - it is nice when they are "who they were". As you know that is the hardest part for me. Enjoy the sweet interaction. I am glad you had some.... And keep doign what you are doing as it is working for YOU.
hugs hugs and yet another hug to you.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
