Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

just got home from counseling- and done talking to my sister.

looks like bimbo may be back in the picture. Good grief...she moves 3 hours away - and now that he has a job again -- ta da! she is back!! who knows how long - or if for good.... i just can't believe how much pain the "first" one brings. the real one that helped seal the deal on the end of my marriage.

i want so much to "get over it" to move ahead and to NOT be reminded of what happened. SHE reminds me of all of it...every painful step that I have taken and gone through. NO, I am not stepping backwards- I am saying that in my effort to move forward it would be nice to have the memory gone.

Yes, it all does get easier with time....but the pain of what she reminds me of is something I dont want to live through anymore. For those of you who still have the ow in your lives (via the x) I am sorry.... my x's ow has been in and out so much that it is exhausting...about the time i readjust well....i am just tired of hurting.

People are cruel. Period..there really is no other thought than that. And selfish people take the cake.

my sons 20th was this past Tuesday -- x only TEXTED him!! yet again another showing of how selfish he is. Selfish.

I have remembered lately some of the pain of my journey. Someone in our town that was connected to the place that i worked just murdered his girlfriend.... in that I remembered my own stupid moments thorugh this. Where our feelings/emotions all of it try and consume.... it is horific what we feel and go through.

I dont want to go through anymore. I would like some of it to be REMOVED. i am tired...............