Hi all, yes Sunny, the message is clear, step back. Problem: step back how? Contact is minimum, no calls, time together, no big plans, no MC, no fights/discussions. I did sent letters. No reply. I am not writing again. How do you step back when you are already "not there", not together. Me step back as far as thoughts are concerened? Yes, that is what I am trying to do. Not very successfully.
John, he didnt take the kids. He slept in, called and said was coming over around 14:00. I had not cooked lunch, I thought they were having lunch together, my son said his father told him on the phone they would be. I told him that, he said "well...you want to go out for lunch?". We did. Went a little shopping afterwards, for him. I went in and tried a nice coat, I had no money with me (not that I have any anyways) and asked the salesperson to keep it for me until Tuesday, she said they dont do that on sales period. He gave her his card and said "we are buying it now". I objected (I dont recall ever him buying something together, I always pay for my things), he was not to be convinced. He bought it for me. On the way out I told him I am paying him back. He made a comment like "no way you are". (it's a nice/expensive coat, I would probably wouldnt have bought it anyway). I will pay him back. But I did thank him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "this is for what you did for me, making sure I wouldnt miss the coat". He was caught by surprise.
We came back, no talks, nnothing. I got frustrated and went grocerries shopping. He sat on the couch and left early to go babysit for his sister (choices). He said he is coming early tomorrow. I have people over. For lunch.
I was planning to tell him that we dont have much time. I dont know if it will be possible. I have set a deadline in my head. On his way out, he hugged me tight and kissed me on my neck and cheeks. He hasnt done that for at least before I trip I think.
So, the questions are all still there. Dont know what's gonna happen. I will just try to take a break as you all advised me.
Sorry if I cant answer to you all separately. xxx K
whateveritakes, (sp?) welcome! All thoughts welcome.
FG, you do sound more motivated than my H to save my M. (a lady friend told me that when I said what advice I am getting here)Thanks - I forgive you. LOL
Sunny, OW? Maybe. Maybe grieving over the lust and desire gone? Who knows? I certainly dont. I have thought about it. But his behaviour is typical H.
Michelle, when I pull back like I am now, he doesnt follow. Maybe for a couple of days as Ian says. And I agree with him that next time I say we are done, it has to be it. Acts of service, difficult to implement that when my love tank is empty and I see him maybe 10 hous a week. I did do that during our trip, you know what happened.
Mish, he wont cripple (more) me this time. That is a promise.
Rob, my issues? IC, etc etc. Right now if I do more on me, it will take me farther away from him. It's a sad observation, but true.
GFI, lodo, settling and compromise. I've said before what I need. I suspect I am not much different than anyone else on here. I need a partner in life, compliments, time, love, sex, admiration, common "language", warmth, be his #1 priority etc etc. I dont want all these ALL the time. I am not greedy. It's not like I am expecting him to give me ALL like a spoiled...Princess. And progress would be easy to be achieved now, there isnt a way down when you are at zero. Today even I would call progress. Left me upset again by leaving but I will not overlook the kisses/hug and the coat gesture. Is it enough? By all means NO!!!
