Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, ((((((((((Friends)))))))))

Thank you guys so much for your prayers and support! You are all such a help to me, I can't fully express how much you've all come to mean to me!

Well, I had a very emotionally exhausting night and morning, but S17 is back safe and sound, and I got to see my H for the first time in a very long while!

We went driving everywhere we could think of looking for the truck (it's a huge behemouth F-350 crew cab, so it's easier to look for than a teenager). We tried everyfriends house we knew and the surrounding areas. H was getting more and more agitated as time went by, and we both felt that our son would not do this knowingly so he had to be incapacitated in some way......we even had a friend of his call his cell knowing that if he just wasn't answering for us, he would answer a call from her.

We finally had exhausted our ideas of where he could be and were pulling up in the parking lot of my apartment so we could go in and call to report the truck as stolen, and to call the cell phone company to see about what numbers he had called, or been called from. As we were pulling in, S17 called my cell phone. He was home in our apartment!

On the way up to the apt, H asked me to let him handle it. And he did beautifully!! He didn't yell even once! S17's story was that he was walking out of the party after talking to me, and he got into a fight with another drunk kid, and he thinks he got hit over the head because he doesn't remember anything else. [Yes, it's a very fishy story.....].

Anyway, H told him that he had a hard time believing S17, but that was really beside the point. H said he thought it more likely that S17 took a drug of some sort (whether voluntarily or involuntarily) to have "passed out" for so long. Either way, being "unconscious" is NOT a good thing and is very close to death! H told S17 that he blieved that S "cheated death" last night no matter what version of the story is the truth. The guy S fought with could have had a weapon, or something!

H told S that we loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him, but S needs to get off the path he is on and start making better decisions. We couldn't do it for him. H even started to cry! And not just little tears but sobs! H told S that he had been scared to death and did not ever want to go through this again! That really seemed to get through to S17. I then told S to look at his Dad, and does that look like a man who only wants him to do what he's told and doesn't really care about him, like S17 has said in recent months? It was very hard for me not to throw my arms around H, because I wanted so very bad to comfort him!

After our talk, when S went back to get his stuff so he could go with H for the weekend to help him move out of his apartment, I went over to H, and sat on the ottoman in front of his chair. I put my hand on his arm and told him that he did great!! I also told him that I knew he didn't really want to hear it, but that I loved him with all my heart and I always would. He just knodded his head in acknowledgement. I know I shouldn't have said it.....but I had to. That man sitting in that chair hurting and scared for our son, and doing his damdest to do the right thing for him, is the man I married and still love with all my heart!

So, I guess I'm back in the saddle again! I'm on my own this weekend, and I'm going to read and relax and watch movies and sleep!!! Basically I plan to be a vegitable, and enjoy every minute of it!

Again, thanks, you guys for being my friends!!!

I love you all!!