Rebuilding trust - what are reasonable requests?

[EnergyAZ]

Hello everyone

My WAW has decided to come back to the table and give us another shot.

While she was 'gone' she was flirting with several different men as well as an ongoing EA that got physical.

So, needless to say, I have some pretty serious trust issues with her that we are going to need to work through.

According to Michelle's article 'Healing From Infidelity', she writes:

"The unfaithful partner must be willing to end the affair and do
whatever it takes to win back the trust of his or her spouse."


I would like to get a better definition of 'whatever it takes'

There are some things I would like to see, but I dont know if they are reasonable to ask or not.

1.) To end all communication with any man I do not know. To tell them she is in LOVE with her husband and she will not be speaking with them again and tell them to not contact her. Then she needs to erase any contact info she may have. Email, phone, myspace link, whatever. They need to be gone and gone for good.

2.) If the man who I dont know happens to be a co-worker where there is legitimate reason she needs to associate with them...then I would like an opportunity to meet these men so they know who I am. I want to be able to put faces to names.

3.) I do not feel she has any need to have any 'private' communication methods. There should not be anything she wants to hide from me. I understand the value of privacy and eventually I hope to trust her as I did in the past. But since my trust is seriously hurt, I would like her to get rid of any communication method I am denied access to.

4.) Most importantly - I want HARD EVIDENCE that the EA/PA guy is PERMANENTLY OUT OF THE PICTURE! I want to sit right there when she calls the guy. I want her to tell him that she regrets everything she did, that he represented an absolute low for her, that he is NOT WORTH LOSING HER HUSBAND OVER, and that she has ZERO intention of ever speaking to him again. I want her to block his phone number the moment she ends the call. (he lives out of state but has family in this state and visits fairly often)

The other things I would like to see, I doubt anyone could take issue with. But the 4 things I listed make me seem like a control freak which is not a healthy mindset.

But right now, I dont have the level of trust I need to have in her and I consider this a unique, and hopefully temporary situation..not day to day routine.


Is any of this unreasonable? I imagine betrayed spouses of the world will say no, while unfaithful spouses of the world would say that it crosses the line, so I am hoping to see some comments from people who dont have a personal bias to either side of that coin

Thanks